Ketchup and Fries (but said to the tune of Shut Up and Drive) - BabsVibes (2024)

Chapter 1: A Ride Home

Chapter Text

Stupid weather. Stupid cold. Stupid Jackson, making her walk in the stupid cold weather.

Louise wondered how long it would take for the ice to melt and for the authorities to find Jackson’s body after she was done tearing him to shreds. Scratch that. Better to stick with asphyxiation. Blood would be too visible in the snow.

She continued muttering to herself, walking down the side of the road back to her family’s restaurant and home. It’d be another half hour before she even got into town.

“Louise Smelcher?”

Caught up in her death threats, Louise missed the car riding slowly alongside her. And just her luck, it was-

“Logan Barry Bush? What the hell are you doing back here? I thought the entire city got a restraining order and forced you to move.”

“What the hell am I doing? What the hell are YOU doing walking in a blizzard? Were the bunny ears the only thing holding your brain cells in?”

“I asked you first, turd breath. What the hell are YOU doing?”

“And I’m asking you what the hell are YOU doing?”

“No, what the hell are you-“

This went on for longer than either of them cared to admit, with Louise walking along and Logan coasting beside her.

“Enough,” Logan finally said, pressing on the brake. “Are you getting in or what?”

“I’m a little old to kidnap. I feel like your type is hanging around an elementary school somewhere.”

“Gross. That’s what I get for trying to be nice to a fart face. Have fun freezing to death!”

The window rolled up, and his car started to drive off. Louise weighed her options: risk being attacked by a wild animal or have her eyelashes permanently iced over in the outdoors. She rolled her eyes and groaned.

“Logan, wait.”

Just like that, the car stopped. She caught up and reached for the door handle, only for Logan to let off the brake. She shot him a very unladylike gesture then reached for the handle a second time. The car jerked forward again.

“Logan!” Louise screamed in that perfect pitch she mastered in her youth.

He laughed at her as she finally got a grip on the door and yanked it open.

“You know, flipping me off would be a lot more effective if you weren’t wearing anime mittens.”

“I’m going to do more than flip you off... after I thaw out.”

Louise pointed every vent at her and cranked the heat up.

“That’s a funny way to treat your knight in shining armor.”

“You’re not my knight, and if you consider this jalopy ‘shining’ we need to swing by the optometrist.”

Chuckling, Logan turned back to the road. He looked mostly the same as the last time she had seen him, except he finally grew in more facial hair than the pathetic soul patch he tried out in his teens. Not that Louise noticed.

“So,” Louise started. “You never answered why you’re back in town.”

“You never answered why you-”

“Ahp up up. We’re not starting that again. Answer my question. It’s the least you could do, since it looks like you gave all the free candy out to your last victims.”

“Aren’t you like 19 now? I’m pretty sure it stops counting as kidnapping after you graduate.”

“Stalk much?”

One sarcastic “please” was all she got out of him for that quip. She crossed her arms and cleared her throat, shooting him a look with a raised eyebrow.

Logan scratched at his —goatee? Scruff? She didn’t know the word, which was weird given that her father basically made her an expert on all types of hair without even trying. The things she had seen that man grow out of his ears...

“I’m moving back. Graduated college and found some dumb job in town.”

“Took you long enough. Most people call it a 4-year because it only takes them... four years to get their diploma. Not six.”

“Now who’s stalking?”

Louise scoffed before looking out the window. The two of them were never close, at least not anything she would consider a friend, but they did have something. It felt like twice a year they ran into each other, and twice a year it was a choice of tormenting the other or teaming up to take down a bigger fish. It was their thing, and she liked it. Maybe even missed it a little, but she sure as hell wouldn’t be telling him that.

“Why are you being nice to me?” Louise asked in the bluntest way possible. It wasn’t unheard of, but this act of kindness hadn’t been at the end of some convoluted scheme that resulted in them unfortunately bonding.

Logan shrugged, then played with the radio dial. She immediately changed the station after he found something he liked. He rolled his eyes but did the half smirk he was so famous for.

“Eh, who knows,” he said. “Even though we’re arch nemesises — nemeses? — it always seemed like you had my back at the end of the day. Game recognize game.”

“It’s sad that you consider your boring pranks ‘game’, but I’ll let you live in your fantasy world.”

She paused a second, then stared at the road straight ahead again.

“And you’re not my arch nemesis anymore. Maybe just a casual enemy.”

The car came to a screeching halt.

Louise, ever the rebel, had neglected to put on her seatbelt in an attempt to get to the heat source faster. She jostled around in the front seat, yelling and glaring with all the spitfire she could manage.

“What the hell, Crash Barrycoot?!”

“Huh?”

“It’s- it’s like Crash Bandicoot, but uh with your name? Because you were gonna-“

“Oh, I get it.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

A cough.

“So? What the hell was the brake check for??”

“I could ask you the same thing! Except without the brake pa- I’m not your nemesis anymore?”

“Oh my god, that’s why you stopped? I thought you saw one of the escaped deer pigs from Fishoeder’s mutant zoo.”

“Answer the question, Louise Belcher!”

Looking both ways on the road, Louise couldn’t see another car. She could dip and continue her original plan of walking, though the lack of other cars to hitchhike with disheartened her.

“If you try to jump out, I will catch you and drag you back. I’ll always get you, Louise.”

Oh. That was new.

Back when they were children, his idle threats were easily returned with a sarcastic good luck, but now? With the way his voice lowered? She felt something she hadn’t for a year or so.

She cleared her throat and refused to make eye contact.

“Things change. Sometimes, a girl needs to let out her pent up rage and blood lust, even if her arch nemesis moves away. And maybe sometimes a girl really, really wants to kill Jackson for putting her in a situation where she’d have to admit this in the first place.”

“Jackson?” Logan took a minute, still leaning on the brake. Louise swore at her slip up. “So it’s a boy?”

She shot him a confused look, wondering why that mattered at all.

“Well, newsflash, gender is fake, but yes. Jackson identifies as a man.”

“Boy.”

“Does it matter?”

“I don’t know. No? Maybe? Ugh.”

Logan started driving again. The silence felt odd. He flexed his fingers just when she thought his steel grip would break the steering wheel.

“You know,” he said. “I don’t think it’s really fair you went and got a new nemesis. I don’t have any other enemies.”

“Aw don’t say that. I’m sure you piss off tons of people.”

“But they’re not like you.”

“Like me?”

“Devious. Conniving. Smart. Whatever, shut up.”

Interesting. If she didn’t know better, the compliment might have brought a blush to her cheeks. Thankfully, she was smart and knew this to be a ruse to get her guard down.

“What’s with this Jackson kid anyway? He pull your pigtails or something?”

Louise tugged on her hair. She hadn’t worn it in pigtails in years.

“He’s just some guy. Nothing special, and I don’t need you gathering intel on me and my dealings.”

“You replaced with me with ‘nothing special’?”

“I mean, yeah? What’s the big deal here?”

Logan went silent again, which frankly concerned Louise a lot. His usual dumb retorts normalized things. She poked him in his side while repeatedly saying his name to annoy him into talking.

“Watch it. In case you forgot, I’m driving. And I’m also still in the processing stage.”

“Ugh, fine.” Louise crossed her arms and waited. When that took too long, she took out her cell phone.

Four missed texts. One from her mom wondering when she would be home. Louise considered asking her mom to pick her up, but lack of guarantee that the family car would even make it stopped her. There was one text from Tina asking her to proofread her latest erotic fiction chapter. Two from Jackson. She wanted to groan but didn’t for fear of attracting attention.

Peeking out of the corner of her eye, Logan seemed focused on his internal therapy. Safe enough for her to respond to Jackson’s “got it!” and “on my way back now :)” Stupid jerk.

She drafted a reply then deleted it. Then drafted another and deleted that. Maybe just a selfie with her middle finger out would do?

Tempting, but too conspicuous. Louise squinted and tapped the edge of her phone while she thought.

“He sends you smiley faces? What kind of nemesis is that?” Logan asked perplexed. She yanked her phone to her chest.

“Don’t you know not to text and drive? Idiot!”

“I’m not texting; I’m reading. It’s like a street sign with how obvious you’re waving it around. And what does he mean ‘on my way back’? Is that code? You made a code with someone else too?”

“Jeez it’s not code,” Louise said. She dreaded admitting the rest. “He’s the reason I’m out here. We were hanging out, but he said he forgot the food. He jumped into his car and sped off like a dumbass.”

“Wait... was this a date?”

“... Sort of?”

“He’s not your nemesis,” Logan’s face suddenly went ghost white. “He’s your boyfriend. Or he’s both?!”

“What? God, no! Stop making assumptions. We’re just... talking. This was our first actual date. My first actual date since... Jessica. Actually. I thought we were coming up here to shoot at squirrels or something, but no he planned a lame picnic and forgot the stupid basket.”

More silence, then Logan burst out laughing.

“And,” he managed between gasps of air. “Instead of — ins- instead of taking you with him to get the food, he left you STRANDED? In the woods? Oh my god, that is so good. I wish I thought of that.”

Fisting her hands in her hair under her pink beanie, Louise screamed.

“Ahh!! That’s the worst freakin part! It wasn’t even a prank I can get him back for. He just forgot that he was abandoning me, because apparently one of my types is gullible IDIOTS.”

That sobered Logan up pretty quick. He stopped laughing and tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his small smirk. Reaching a hand out, he patted her shoulder.

“There there,” he said in a flat voice. “Hey, at least now you know not to make him your.. ugh, boyfriend or anything.”

Louise slapped his hand away.

“You sound as disgusted with the possibility of him being my boyfriend as with him being my nemesis. There’s no winning with you, is there?”

“Honestly, I can’t tell which I find worse.” His eyebrows raised and eyes widened, clearly registering what he had said. “I mean, the thought of some poor soul getting stuck with you of all people? Sucks for them.”

Danger. Danger.

All of her sensors for “something is happening right now, but you can’t tell what it is” went off. Time to do what she does best and escape any serious form of conversation.

She considered a good ol tuck and roll when the perfect opportunity presented itself. Well, it was perfect as a distraction, but also wasn’t great for her either.

“sh*t! That’s his car, that’s his car! Hide me!”

She tried ducking down, but the copious amount of fast food waste made it impossible to find a spot that didn’t reek.

“God, why do you have so much friggin trash in your car?? Move over.”

And with that, Louise lifted the middle console and planted her torso flat, cheek resting in Logan’s lap and facing the steering wheel.

Muscle memory must have kicked in from all the times she used him as a personal jungle gym when he tried to keep something away from her. Logan’s arm immediately snapped to her shoulder to hold her in place and pointedly away from his crotch.

“Whoa whoa! At least buy me dinner first. Give a guy some warning next time.”

“Oh ha ha. Tell me when he passes.”

“Is it the grey Altima coming up?”

“‘Is it the grey Altima-’ of course it’s the grey Altima! Do you see any OTHER cars on this damn road?”

“Take a chill pill. You’re not the one trying to remember if you wore clean jeans for the occasion.”

“Oh sick!”

“Kidding! Jeez Louise.”

“Like I’ve never heard that one before. Think an original thought once in your life.”

“Mm, I’ll consider it.”

She waited a few seconds. Then a few more. When his grip on her started to relax but didn’t move, suspicions rose.

“Logan!”

“What’s up?”

Letting out a groan loud enough to startle birds outside of the vehicle, Louise risked a peek only to find a barren road. She jerked back into her seat, nearly nailing her head on his chin.

“You didn’t bother to tell me he passed?!”

“You seemed comfortable. Who am I to argue with the comfort of my guest? Besides, it was your dumb idea to hide. What do you think is going to happen when he gets back and can’t find you?”

“I don’t know,” Louise huffed. “Probably take the hint. Hopefully.”

“So you’re not gonna show, not gonna text, and not gonna explain anything?”

A quick shrug and brush of invisible lint on her shoulder gave her time to think of her response.

“... I figure I only have a few more months of being able to excuse my lack of commitment and emotional honesty on being a teen, so I might as well beat that dead horse right into the ground.”

“Sounds like you’re being pretty emotionally honest with me right now.”

She gave a psh sound and kicked at the empty water bottles at her feet. The crunch of the plastic almost drowned out Logan’s next bombshell.

“It’s okay that you didn’t end up with your past interests,” he said. “You cared about them. It probably hurt to lose, but that doesn’t mean you can’t care about other people in the future. Just a little perspective.”

“Is that you or Dr. Swanson talking?”

“Both? I’m a sensitive dude, Louise.”

“That’s true. You cried in front of me after less than a week of knowing each other.”

Logan reached over and flicked her in the shoulder.

“Deflection. And, also, unfair. There was a big knife held to my neck by a mean looking biker.”

“Tsk tsk, Logan. Stereotyping? I thought you were above that.”

“You literally said he was going to cut off my ears.”

They laughed at the memory, as this was a conversation they had before many times. She thought it was hilarious he almost wet his pants, he thought it was hilarious how extreme she was at nine, and everyone worked through their trauma anyway.

She fiddled with the radio and put it on a Spanish station. The commercials blended in with the music, and she liked that.

“I’m working on it,” Louise finally admitted. “The whole acceptance thing. I’m getting there.”

And that was all he needed to know about that.

Humming his approval, Logan went to switch the station. His smirk reappeared as he clicked one of the last buttons on his preset list.

“Why do you have that- oh God! No! No country music, you heathen bastard!”

He met her move for move every time she took another stab at the radio, currently blaring some bootlicking bullsh*t.

“What? You don’t like my jams? This is a personal favorite of mine.”

“Oh yeah? Name it then.”

“It’s...” he waited for half of the title to flash on the screen. “Thank your boys for... Beer? Beach days?”

“You don’t even know the rest of the name. Give up.”

“No, no, I got this. Thank your boys for beeeee... being a patriot. See I know it.”

“I’m putting an end to this. Now.”

Louise leaned down and bit him. With an undignified yelp, Logan snatched his hand back.

“Ow! Hey, I didn’t know biting was on the table. You know, this opens up a few avenues for me.”

There went that feeling again in the pit of her belly. Just another feeling she would need to unpack later in the comfort of her home, Louise thought as she slammed on the first preset to change the radio station again.

A beat while the music registered, then:

“I love this song!” The two of them said in unison while each finding their own rhythm of dance.

“I didn’t even know Sleater-Kinney came on the radio!”

“It’s been forever, right?”

Louise whipped out a wicked head bang with Logan on vocals. His scratchy voice lent itself well to a feminine whine, but she was enjoying herself too much to make fun of it.

This was why she SECRETLY didn’t mind Logan as much as she let on. When it came down to it, he may be stupid, but it was the kind of stupid she vibed with. Her whole family was crazy, so there had to be some tolerance for it in her blood. Plus, as much as they fought, he was always honest and down for any schemes or scams she cooked up.. as long as he wasn’t the victim.

Seemingly out of nowhere, buildings started to pop into view. co*cking her head to the side, Louise prepared a throw away line about how the only thing longer than the drive was her dick, but her breath caught in her throat as she turned to her driver.

Fully immersed in the song, Logan hummed the chorus while he tapped out the beat on the steering wheel. He looked... genuinely happy. And... kind of cute?

Crap, okay, she did not just think that. Maybe she could fix it? Maybe it was a brotherly cute? That was a thing, right?

Logan caught her eye on the next once over she gave him. He shot her a wink and a finger gun, and she knew it wasn’t a brotherly cute.

f*ck.

“Hey look, we’re almost at your stinky burger joint.”

The familiarity of the streets began to melt together. Flustered from her recent discovery, she forgot to punch him for calling her restaurant stinky.

“Yeah,” she said shakily. “I’ll be glad to... get out of this trash pile and... away from your uhh garbage face?”

. . .

What the hell was that?! She might as well have been a freshman trying out for the lead in musical theatre for how nervous that was!

“Oh? That’s too bad. I’m actually feeling a little peckish. Might stop in for some fries. What do you think?”

“You look more like a microwaved pasta kinda guy. I recommend the dump next door.”

“Hm, no this is a distinct craving for French fries. Guess you’ll be dealing with my garbage face a little longer, huh?”

Louise groaned.

“Alright, but make it quick. No forgetting your order, no potty breaks, and no small talk.”

“What if I want to chat up the waitress?”

“Gene won’t be happy to learn that you’re competing for Mom’s attention. Is that the kind of drama you want in your life?”

Logan parked the car in front of the, yet again, empty store next to Bob’s Burgers. Louise tried not to think about how in sync their actions were, seatbelts clicking and doors opening in perfect time with each other.

“That’s not the waitress I had in mind, but, now that you mention it, Linda is kind of a milf isn’t she?”

Louise mimed puking over the sidewalk while they walked to the door. Logan stopped directly in front of it.

“Ahem.”

“Oh, my mistake.” She cut him off and opened the door for him. “Ladies first.”

“Thank you.”

As soon as he made it inside, Louise kicked him in the back of the knee. It wasn’t enough force to bring him down, but he buckled for a second with a not so menacing “hey!”

Linda spotted the pair immediately and, in true mom fashion, ignored the blond elephant in the room to embarrass her youngest.

“Wow! You’re back early. Oh god, are you okay? Is he dead? You know I won’t judge if he’s dead. I almost killed a boyfriend at an A-ha cover band concert. Ha! The look on that EMT’s face. It was like ‘Ahh! Ha?’ Oh it was hysterical.”

“Lin,” Bob cut in from the back. “So, how did it uh go?”

“Oh vERY well,” Louise layered on the sarcasm. “You can tell by how a giant parasite followed me home and is currently leeching my life force.”

Continuing his game of silently trying to snatch the beanie off her head, Logan only smirked when she pulled it down tighter and pointed a warning finger at him.

“That’s nice, Louise,” Bob said, returning to the grill.

“And who exactly is this giant bug we’re talking about?” Linda said, eyeing Logan up and down. One might say approvingly, if one was stupid.

“Mom, are you serious? This is Logan.” He raised one hand with a “hi Mrs. B.” Linda’s hands shot to her heart.

“LO-gan! I haven’t seen you in yeeaars. Look at you, you got even taller. My poor baby never caught up, did she? My little lady Louise.” Comparing the heights between the two, Linda got an eyeful of her daughter’s most powerful glare.

“Mom!”

“Oh shush, I’m just teasing. Anyway, let’s get you some food. You look like you need a good meal, bunch of baby bums.”

“Just some fries for me please, ma’am,” Logan layered on the polite gentleman shtick. “And then I would love to hear more about your littlest baby Louise.”

Linda sauntered back to the kitchen, already off on a tangent none of them could follow.

The restaurant quieted down, the lack of other customers becoming apparent. Louise saw a few take out order tickets but decided she would be better off washing this day from her memory with a nice long shower and some brain bleach.

“Welp! It’s been fun. Please feel free to email any additional comments to my secretary; his email is aquamagene@friendofdorothy dot com.”

She pushed off the counter and turned towards the exit. Let the two geezers deal with the thorn in her side.

“Stop right there, pipsqueak,” Logan said, grabbing her arm to hold her in place. “You’re not even going to say thank you for risking my life bringing you home?”

“Risking your life? There was no danger. I didn’t even have my bear mace on me, like some kind of amateur.”

“Oh and all those distractions on the road weren’t dangerous? I could have crashed four times by my count.”

“Yeah, well, you’re bad at math.”

“No, you’re bad at math.”

“No, YOU’RE-“

Hypothetically, she could break out of his grip no sweat, but she was distracted, wondering why he was still holding on to her.

Linda, with a sly smile, placed a basket of fries in front of them, humming a song she probably made up. Logan moved to sit on a stool and dragged Louise onto the one next to him.

Arguing became half-hearted teasing while they both devoured the potatoes. They battled over which way to pour the ketchup; Louise wanted a pile for dipping and Logan wanted to pour ketchup over all of them like a caveman.

Both too caught up in their debate, neither noticed the bell of the front door ring.

“Louise?”

There at the front door, picnic basket in hand, was Jackson, looking very snowed on and very perplexed. Louise shot out of her seat to stand and face him.

She might have expected this if her attention hadn’t been so focused on, ugh, Logan.

“Oh! Hey Jackson, uhh glad you made it.”

“Louise, I was so worried. I tried looking for you in the park, but you weren’t-“

“I wasn’t there,” she said at the same time as him. “Yeah, I got cold and decided to come back.”

“I texted-“

“My phone died. Damn Apple for purposely sabotaging batteries on older models, those money grabbing whor*s.”

She heard rustling from behind her but kept her eyes focused to the door. Jackson nodded and brushed the melting ice out of his hair.

Jackson Hong was a cute boy. She knew that. He had black hair, brown eyes, and a permanent smile. He was kind and went along with her no matter what her opinion was on something, which was part of the problem.

Louise knew herself too. She would never give up being a hilarious, strategic bitch with a secret soft side. Looking at Jackson’s pitiful face, she knew she would run all over him.

Sweet guys were fine, great in fact, but she wasn’t a sweet girl. That wasn’t fair to him and boring for her. Regardless, she tried to make it easy.

“I’m sorry you were worried, but maybe we can just go to the Wharf with some friends when it gets warmer out?”

“Like... on a double date?”

“Well, maybe more of a-“

A pop metal cover of the Kuchi Kopi theme cut her off suddenly. Existential dread set in as Louise went to silence her ringing phone.

In the process of remembering which button turned off the damn thing, she noticed something peculiar in her peripherals.

A peculiar smug bastard held his phone up to his ear like the son of a bitch he was.

“How did you get my number?” She hissed.

“Tina traded it to me for my buddy Diego’s number.”

Not for the first or last time, she cursed T’s libido. She didn’t doubt there were other external pressures that manipulated Tina into treachery, but Louise felt no sympathy in that moment.

“I thought you said your phone died?”

Ohhhh ho ho, she’d kill Logan for that one later.

She sighed, rubbing the back of her head. Lying and softening the blow hadn’t worked out. It was bandaid ripping time.

“Look, Jackson, today seemed like a pretty good sign that this,” she gestured to the two of them. “-isn’t going to work out. Maybe you could give Chris a call? I heard she thinks you’re cute.”

Thankfully, Jackson looked more confused than hurt. He pulled the basket closer to him and took a breath.

“Is this because-“

Louise cut him off.

“It’s no one’s fault. I think we’re just too different.”

“But-“

This time, Logan cut him off. He stood up and faced the door, side by side with Louise.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I just have to know. You thought that YOU, half a scissors snip away from a bowl cut looking dude, could take on THE Louise Belcher? I’d laugh if it wasn’t so sad.”

Logan’s arm wrapped around her waist. He pulled her just the tiniest bit closer to him.

“Louise is my nemesis. Now scram, kid.”

A thoroughly confused Jackson slipped out of the restaurant with little less fanfare, picnic basket in tow.

Logan let go of her and slid back onto his stool. He picked up a fry with too much ketchup on it and pretended to flick it at her before scarfing it down.

“What- are you- ... WHAT the hell was that, Logan?!”

Louise had never been so flabbergasted in her life. She didn’t even know she could feel flabbergasted, but there was truly no other way to describe it. Who the hell was he to put his arm around her like a territorial dog? And now, instead of letting him down easy and going on about their existence, Jackson probably thought she was with this loser!

For his part, Logan looked cooler than a ‘if you build it, he will cucumber’ burger. Louise tried editing that burger of the day to ‘Bendydick Cucumbersnatch’ but to no avail. She shook her head to focus.

“What was what?” Logan asked with feigned innocence.

It devolved into just another day at the restaurant. Louise screamed violent threats, Bob cooked burgers and asked her to be quiet, Linda gushed about texting Gene the “latest developments,” whatever that meant...

And Logan ate his fries, looking like he had won a game only he knew about.

Chapter 2: Baby's First Tattoo

Chapter Text

3pm was probably a bad time to wake up, but if her dad wanted to give her the day off then by God she would utilize it.

Louise’s one and only desire to sleep in longer seemed like an easy enough accomplishment. No plans, no responsibilities. Just her and her pillow.

Of course, the treacherous part of her brain wouldn’t let her. The need to be productive and useful made her legs twitch and suddenly there wasn’t a comfortable spot to be found.

“Damn you, capitalism,” Louise groaned while kicking off her blankets. A shower might trick her senses into thinking she’s doing things and stuff. Then, when she’s all nice and refreshed, she’ll crawl right back into bed. Perfect Saturday.

Throwing her legs over the side of the bed, Louise opened her eyes to a room that wasn’t hers. Technically, she slept here now, since she had long outgrown the oversized closet and moved into Tina’s old spot.

Sometimes, mornings were like this. She looked to the left for a door that was behind her and needed a few extra seconds to orient herself. Louise wondered how much longer this would go on. Tina moved out years ago, but every few months the room reminded her she didn’t belong.

Shaking her head, Louise stumbled out of the door and stopped for a stretch. While her joints popped, she eyed Gene’s old room down the hall. That had been an option, since he moved to the basem*nt before Tina finished her two years at online community college, but Louise quickly shot that one down. Boy stink lingers.

Gene might be awake, but the lack of TV echoing through the apartment meant she wouldn’t know for sure until she visited the restaurant.

Maybe I’ll pop in after a shower, Louise thought before going about her morning routine, never mind that it was already the afternoon.

. . .

“Will there ever be anything greater than the mental blankness a hot shower brings?” Louise asked an empty apartment while toweling her hair dry-ish.

Abandoning her original plans for slinking back into bed, Louise walked into the kitchen to grab her favorite energy drink. She peered into the fridge, but any fluorescent colored cans were missing from their usual perch.

“Mom, did you-” Louise cut herself off. Linda would be downstairs helping Bob clean up after a Saturday lunch rush. Confrontation on standby.

For a second, she stood at the top of the stairs, considering all the different lines she hadn’t used yet to convince her brother to move back to the room down the hall. She could already hear his practiced rebuttal.

“I have the soul of a dragon and the desires of a rat inside this beautiful Gene flesh, and I will not be caged.”

Coincidentally enough, also his coming out as he/them speech.

Maybe some other time she’ll try to get him to fill the place up with noise again.

With that, Louise jogged downstairs and out onto the street. She breathed in one big lungful but looked around to be sure no one would catch her, ugh, trying to appreciate the day.

The street was empty besides a few randoms peering into the usually empty storefront next door. She took a few steps not remembering who had rented the place out this time.

“Huh. ‘A new day for Tatooine.’ Wonder how long it takes before Disney smells the copyright infringement…”

Everything moves back to a stasis eventually after all, Louise thought. The shop would close down, and a new tattoo parlor (preferably one with a better pun name) would take its place.

The jingle at the door alerting the occupants of her entrance, Louise strolled into Bob’s Burgers with a nod to Teddy. Linda perked up at the sight.

“Well, good morning, sunshine! Look at you, kicking before the sun sets. By the way, it’s a They Day if you see Gene. They’re practicing their harmonica though, so not sure if you wanna go down there. Wait, is that wet hair? You’re gonna catch a cold, I swear.”

Waving off her eccentrics, Louise shot her a look.

“Mom, did you drink my last Zap?”

“Your whaa?” Linda asked, arms on her hips.

“My energy drink. It says ‘zany awesome power’ on the side of the can?”

“Oh,” Bob mumbled from the kitchen. “It spells zap. Heh. I get it.”

“Ohh yeaahh, we were out of coffee, so I gave it a shot,” Linda shuddered. “Ugh but, jeez Louise that stuff tastes like battery acid. I set it down over…” Her voice carried off as she whirled around looking for the can. She smacked her lips.

“You know what,” Linda’s face scrunched at the memory. “I may have accidentally given it to this pre-med student who was in here this morning. Falling asleep right at the counter! Can you believe that? In here?”

“What’s wrong with in here?” Bob called from the back. “People sleep when they’re relaxed. This place is relaxing. That’s a good thing.”

“Bobby, shush. Do you know what pre med means? It’s before medicine. Poor thing needed a dose.”

Louise whined.

“I’m sorry, honey,” Linda said, reaching over the counter to pat her youngest’s back. “Want me to buy you a new can? Lemme grab my purse. Oh we can make it a little field trip!”

“If you’re going to the convenience store, can you grab me a few things?” Teddy interjected. “I just need more duct tape and a 1982 Ford pickup grille.”

“Teddy, they’re not going to have that at the convenience store.” Bob said.

“Well, why not? It would be convenient for me.”

“It’s... not that kind of convenient, Teddy.”

“OKAY,” Louise practically yelled. “Well, as fun as that all sounds, I’ll go without the Zap today. But you owe me, mother.”

While Teddy and Linda went back and forth on what would be the most convenient thing for them to carry at the restaurant, Louise wandered back to the grill.

“Hey, pops. What’s going on?”

Bob shrugged and gestured to the burger he was almost done searing. He peered at her through the corner of his eye.

“Did you just shower? Are you sure you want to be back here?”

“Oh, are you admitting burger fumes smell like butt?”

“No.” Bob said firmly. “They just- it smells like hard work, and maybe... you don’t want to smell like that right now. On your day off. Is all.”

“Uh huh.”

“Burger fumes are for a complicated palette.”

“Sure, dad.”

He shook his head before taking the patties and toasted buns off the heat to assemble and wrap. He called out Lin to take the to go order, then cut himself off. co*cking his head to the side, Bob’s eyebrows furrowed as he tuned into the conversation.

“Oh god, she’s telling Teddy to sell his handcrafted birdhouses at the counter. I gotta stop this.” Bob looked at the to go bag in his hand then at Louise. “I’m sorry to ask this on your day off, but would you take these to Mort next door?”

Louise rolled her eyes, taking the delivery from him.

“How could you, father? Ask me, a tired and weary soul, to make the perilous journey to the funeral home so so far away on my ONE day off?”

“Knew you could do it, uhh champ?” Bob patted her on the head before shuffling out to the register.

From the other side of the counter, she watched as the three entangled themselves further in a plan that would definitely backfire. Smirking, Louise turned to eye the booth she sat at to cook up her greatest schemes. This was the part where she would use whatever snippet of the adult’s conversation she heard to convince her siblings to join on a money motivated quest.

But the booth was empty, not even a customer to make awkward eye contact with.

Suddenly, Louise didn’t feel like being in the restaurant anymore.

Louise doesn’t run, or sprint, or make an effort, but she did maybe trip and get out of the door and over to Mort’s faster than she usually does.

She walked in to see the head honcho himself hunched over his papers at the desk.

“Hey Louise! Sorry I couldn’t make it over there to pick those up. I am just swamped here.”

“The zombies keeping you and Adrian too busy to make it next door?”

“Heh, yeah everybody’s just dying to- oh hold on.” Mort cut himself off as he looked up at Louise’s face. “I know that stare. You’re feeling down.”

“What,” Louise scoffed and took a step back after handing him the two burgers. “Am not.”

“Yep. And, if I had to guess, it’s loneliness.”

Louise’s frown deepened as she shook her head. Mort doubled down while he handed her cash. He even included a nice delivery tip but took his sweet time placing it in her hand.

“Louise, I looked at that same face in the mirror for forty years before I met my life partner. I know that face. It’s okay to ask for he-“

“That just means you’re old!” Louise clenched her first around the bills and bolted out of the door in her least cool move of the day so far. No way was she listening to that love dove wax poetic at her. Again.

What was it with all these feelings today? Was she about to start her period or something? Dammit.

Readjusting her hoodie, Louise looked up and down the street again. She didn’t want to go back to the restaurant just yet and contemplated walking for more Zap, until her phone vibrated.

1 New Message from George W Bush

Ever since the Jackson incident, Logan texted her out of the blue every so often. Usually the text was a meme, and sometimes it was to brag about how grown up he was. Today seemed a little different.

Bush: which of these is better
(Attached: image1,image2)

Louise opened the photos and saw two almost identical tattoos of some dumb birds.

Louise: neither theyre both lame

She snorted at her jab and was about to put her phone back in her pocket before it vibrated again. The corners of her mouth quirked at how quick he responded.

Bush: well what should I get then?
Bush: I’m trying to piss off my mom and ur the expert
Louise: awww what did cynthia do? make you apply yourself again?

Ignoring his next text about his mom, Louise pondered the tattoo question. She hadn’t seriously considered a tattoo before and had trouble coming up with something both dumb and interesting enough to permanently put on someone’s body. Her eyes darted over to the new place next door.

“Why not? Let’s see what they’ve got.”

They also had a bell to ding her arrival, but it wasn’t as timeless as their restaurant’s ring. It was probably some cheap bell they stole off a kid’s tricycle.

The shop gave off fun goth vibes, with plenty of skulls and medieval artifacts lining the walls. Fairy lights and plushies dotted any empty space. Clearly they cared more about the eclectic decor than their business, as they still had freshly used moving boxes shoved into every nook and cranny.

Louise walked over to their makeshift front desk/counter while a person coming through a beaded curtain made their way to her.

“Welcome, I’m Yessenia.” she said. “What can I do for you, mija?”

“My, um,” Louise paused. “Friend…? Wants to get a tattoo. Do you have a catalog of your worst designs I could suggest?”

Yessenia’s eyebrow raised as she smirked but said nothing about Louise’s hesitation or unusual request.

“Alright, I think I can do that. How bad are we talking?”

“Something you’d put on a pig but then decide the design itself is animal cruelty.”

The shop attendant threw her head back to laugh. Still chuckling, she turned her back to Louise and pulled out one of the not-so-hidden moving boxes. Yessenia began to rifle through the various books.

“Sorry about the mess. We just got here, but I promise we have a portfolio that will meet your needs. Though, just to let you know, we can also do good designs.”

“Sure,” Louise said while looking at a poster of a sectioned off brain. “I trust you, but that’s not what I’m in the market for.”

“Okay okay.” Yessenia gathered a pile of binders that promptly toppled over. Papers and doodads scattered everywhere while she let out a groan.

Taking pity on her new neighbor, Louise squatted to help pick up the sheets. One laminated one in particular caught her eye.

“Hey, what’s this one?”

“Ay! That was supposed to be hung up. What a mess this place is.” She pushed aside what she was sorting through to point at the top of the page Louise held.

“See here, it’s a game of chance. You roll a dice and whatever number you land on we’ll tattoo on you. Costs extra to do a reroll and there are three joke designs on there, so it’s a spicy option for risk takers.”

“Huh,” Louise said. After getting permission from Yessenia, she took a picture of the board to send to Logan.

Louise: feeling lucky punk?
(Attached: image1)

They finished cleaning the rest of the papers before her phone buzzed again.

Bush: those are sick! in town? do they take walk ins?

She confirmed their availability with Yessenia before texting the affirmative.

Bush: I’ll go today
Bush: wanna come with?

Her heart only skipped a beat because of all the extra energy she exerted getting off the floor. Louise would swear by it.

Louise: sure but only bc its close
Bush: Cool. where is it?
Louise: (Louise sent an address)
Bush: this is right next to ur p
Bush: place. U could have just said that
Louise: what am i if not extra

She went to put her phone away, believing the conversation to be over, but it vibrated again.

Bush: cute

Her reflexes told her to throw the phone and scream, which she almost did, but Yessenia caught her eye just in time.

“Ohhhh I know that look.” Louise groaned. Not another adult with opinions on her face. “So is this your, pause for effect, friend?”

“This conversation is a little too casual for a business setting.”

Yessenia threw her hands up in defense, though kept her sly smile in place.

“I’m just saying. The first time I had that look a boy had just scaled the side of my parents house just to recite to me a bad poem, dios.”

“The only thing men have is the audacity.”

“That’s true, so it’s a good thing when they’re cute,” Yessenia winked, then made her way to the back. “You can wait here. I’m going to go get the other artist. He’s the one who came up with the board.”

Louise lazed around the shop for ten-ish minutes, taking in the different knick knacks and giving some amount of thought to her situation.

She stayed up late the night Logan had given her a ride home, and she came to the conclusion that not only was he attractive, but maybe she was kind of attracted to him. Maybe some other things happened while she was alone that night that disqualified it from being purely aesthetic attraction. Who is to say, not her that’s for damn sure.

Louise picked up a plastic raven and stared deeply into the extrancing eyes. It mocked her.

For anyone to imply she had a crush? That seemed a little far fetched. Okay, sometimes, she smiled when he texted. Sometimes, their back and forths were the better parts of her day off. So what? That doesn’t mean anything. She’s not lonely.

“Mira, is this your boyfriend at the door? Stop whispering to the crow, crazy girl.”

Louise whipped around. Apparently, she took after her dad in more ways than she thought if she talked to inanimate objects and lost track of time.

Sure enough, her tall blond was entering the shop, greeted by Yessenia and the other employee, who Louise hadn’t even realized was there.

“We’ve been expecting you, sir! Miss Beanie Girl forgot to give us your name?”

“Logan.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Yessenia, and this is my partner-”

“‘I’m Kevrin.”

“Kevrin? With an R?”

“Yeah, Yessenia only hired me because it sounds like ‘cabron’ if you say it fast enough. She’s a mean old cat that wants an excuse to cuss her employees out.”

She tsk’d and swatted at her coworker while he dodged and cackled. She then gestured to Louise.

“She’s been waiting for you this whole time. Don’t be rude, say hello to her.”

The. f*cking. Audacity.

The look Logan was giving her… oh, she’d slap him. She’d slap him good.

“The WHOLE time? Well well well, Blue Cheese, I didn’t know you had it in you to be so romantic.”

Forget slapping. She’d go straight to maiming at this rate.

She prepared her fists as he made his way over to her. Don’t tuck your thumb in and aim right for the nose, just like Mickey taught her.

Louise didn’t get a chance to land her, what was sure to be, bone-breaking punch. Logan enveloped her in a bear hug, keeping her arms down and mind thoroughly confused.

“Do I look like a tree, you scruffy hippie wannabe?! Ask consent first!”

“You’re too short to be a tree,” Logan said, still holding her tight. She could feel his chest pressed against her cheek. “Besides, I missed you. And you haven’t clawed me yet, so I take this as a win.”

Too startled by his breath on her neck, Louise almost missed what he said. She pushed him off at the sound of the tattoo artists’ quiet chuckles.

“Eyes on the prize, Bush. Pissing off Cynthia.”

She pushed Logan over to the counter, placing herself behind him and hopefully hiding her blush.

Yessenia explained the rolling game while Louise straightened her posture. He’s just a dumb boy. No need to get in a twist about it.

Logan looked thoughtfully at the board before turning to Louise.

“You wanna roll it? It’s my first tattoo, so might as well make it special.”

“Wh-“

Then a beautiful idea formed in her head.

Playing it cool, she took the D20 out of his hand. With as little movement as possible, she motioned for Yessenia to get Logan away from the board. Picking up her hint, Yessenia exclaimed.

“Your FIRST tattoo! Kevrin, take this boy and give him the rundown for cleaning and maintenance. Go go, now.”

With those two out of the way, she mouthed Yessenia’s lines to her. After a nod, Louise let the plastic clack against the counter in a pseudo roll.

Ignoring what number she actually got, Louise silently pointed at one of the designs. Yessenia moved the board around for her eyes only.

“Oof are you sure you don’t want to reroll? That’s not exactly-”

“No, that one will do. Thanks.”

“Hold on a second,” Logan interjected.

Yessenia winked as she too pointed out the design Louise picked to Kevrin. He nodded then motioned for Logan to follow him through the curtain, all the while the blond tried to get her attention.

“Hey, wait a minu- Louise! What are you putting on my body??”

“Byyyye~ Logan, have fun! Call if you need emotional support!”

Her shoulders almost shook from concealing her laughter. Yessenia shook her head.

“You remind me of me,” she said. “Pranks for days, a sh*ts and giggs type of gal.”

“I’ll have you know I’m actually a very complicated person. I’m here for a long time AND a good time.”

Yessenia snorted her response. She then turned to sort through the multitude of boxes scattered around.

For a while, Louise was content to roam around, using the interior of the shop as one big I Spy book.

Twenty minutes passed, and she began to tap her foot a little at the silence. Right after spotting a rustic candelabra, Yessenia spoke up.

“You know, if you get bored you can go back there with him.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Well, you seem to get along pretty well. Not to reveal all of my old person secrets, but laughing together? That’s kinda the best way to relieve boredom.”

Louise hesitated.

“Relieves boredom… and a few other things.” Yessenia refused to make eye contact, but she didn’t have to for the underlying meaning to be heard loud and clear.

“Okay okay, I’ll go. Just stop badgering me.”

She made her way past the curtain where Kevrin had already prepped Logan’s right bicep.

“Yessenia said you’d probably cry, and I wanted to get that on film.”

“Oh ha ha. You came to admire the gun show, I know it.”

He flexed in bravado. Kevrin’s “chile” was barely audible, but its effect was potent. Louise burst out laughing.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Logan.” She said sarcastically and took a seat on the side next to him, opposite of Kevrin.

“You gonna tell me what I’m putting on my arm?”

“Well, you wanted to upset your mom. Use your big boy brain. What would most piss off Cynthia?”

“You picked a waitress forgetting to put the ranch on the side?”

“You’ll seee~”

They went back and forth about the subject of the tattoo a little bit longer, with Kevrin offering unhelpful and misguiding hints. Once the artist began, Logan wincing as he adjusted to the needle, the two relaxed into more general conversation.

“Do you have a tattoo,” Logan asked before shutting his eyes and shaking his head. “No, wait Bob wouldn’t let anyone in his family do something like that.”

“Bold of you to be so wrong, Bush Beans. Dear old dad is covered in tattoos.”

“No way, not Mr. Burger. Try something more convincing.”

“Alright well maybe not covered, but..” Louise mimed checking if the coast was clear. “He does have an unfinished Equestranaut tattoo on his lower back. He got it for Tina.”

Logan whistled.

“Weird choice and reason for a tramp stamp, but right on Mr. B.”

Louise flicked the air near his arm not getting work done, since she thought actually touching him might mess it up.

“Speaking of parents-“

“I regret everything. Tell your dad I think his pony tat is cool.”

“Come on, what else are you going to do while you're stuck in this chair for another hour?”

At least that was the estimated time, given how simplistic the design was.

“You’re not wrong,” Logan sighed. “It’s nothing new. She’s competitive, and I’m not someone she can brag about easily.”

He sucked in his bottom lip, gave it a second, then continued.

“I guess I thought we had worked through our issues. Though it might be I was just out of the house, so it was less apparent.”

“And now it’s back in full force, since you’re under the same roof again?” Louise questioned.

“Yep. So here I am, rebelling against my parents in my mid twenties. God, how sad is that?”

“Not really,” Louise said, crossing her arms. “But you could have used this energy for something more productive. Like crime.”

Logan sputtered, awkwardly trying to hold still and laugh.

“I guess you’re right. I’ve always wanted a sleeve anyway, so this will be the first one.”

“Sounds like a plan, my man,” Kevrin cut in. “As long as you come back and get it done here.”

Louise neglected to mention the curse of the storefront. Not wanting to get too attached (she was already warming up to her neighbors), Louise desperately changed the conversation.

“He totally should. Hey, Logan, where’d you get that shirt?”

“Uhh…” He looked down as if just remembering he owned clothes. “Oh my ex girlfriend bought it for me for a birthday or something.”

That’s odd. She didn’t know the bitch but automatically knew that the ex girlfriend was, indeed, a bitch.

Louise almost knocked herself in the head but knew it would make her look like a lunatic.

That’s the internalized misogyny, sis. Louise thought.

“That’s cool. When did you break up?”

She was quite possibly the least slick person she knew.

“I want to say twooo years ago? We didn’t keep in contact, since it was more of a fling.”

“You do flings?”

Oh my god, Louise, shut up, she thought.

“Not anymore. Do you?”

She allowed herself a moment to think over her answer.

In truth, she never needed to seek anyone out in the short term. After her first break up, Tina showed up to offer all the right words and coping mechanisms. Gene, ever the performer, helped keep her mind from dwelling on the negative. The Belcher kids always had each other’s backs.

Louise also found out after her first relationship that she had an embarrassing tendency to love too deeply after she let her walls down. That type of behavior never suited one night stands.

“You’re taking a long time to answer. What... is your number that high?”

She let out a theatrical gasp.

“Logan!” She said, scandalized. “Are you… slu*t shaming me??”

Kevrin jerked the needle away from Logan’s arm as he started coughing to hide his laugh. Throughout their conversation, he stayed quiet but was having his own face journey.

Taking his one opportunity for free mobility, Logan sat up, palms extended towards her.

“No, no tha- no. That’s not what I meant and you know it, Smelcher.”

“Sure sounded like it to me. Besides,” Louise picked off invisible lint from her sleeve. “I don’t see how it’s any business of yours.”

Logan nestled back into the chair, offering his arm back to Kevrin. He closed his eyes as a serene, almost smile ghosted his face.

“It’s not my business.” He paused. “Yet.”

She scoffed at the notion and pulled her phone out to distract herself as silence descended on their conversation. The hum of the tattoo gun helped relax her heartbeat in an odd way.

Originally, Louise planned to scroll aimlessly on social media but saw Tina had messaged her about a professor who was almost as conniving as the youngest Belcher. She texted a devil face emoji in response. After a few seconds, she sent another message.

Louise: will you be in town for gene’s drag night? their next performance is in a few weeks
T: I’m begging you. Use capital letters just once.
T: Yes, I’ll come back for the show. Aquamagene stans represent!
T: Am I using that right?
Louise: cool c u then
T: LOUISE!

She snickered at her sister’s expense. That’ll teach her to be a journalism major. Or had she changed it back to creative writing again?

A night with her girls was just what she needed, especially given her present situation.

“Four ears, you’re doing a pretty crummy job of being emotional support. I’m in pain.”

Speak of the devil.

“Aww does wittle baby need me to hold his teeny tiny hand?”

“Yes.” Logan stuck out his left hand.

Her eyebrows shot into her hairline at the offer. Thinking quickly, she gestured over to Kevrin.

“Um, I can’t because he’s almost done, and it would mess up the process.”

Her bluff played off as the gun went silent.

“Heh, your girl is right. You made it through.”

Torn between correcting the artist and relishing in being confirmed right once again, Louise paused only a second then opened her mouth.

“I’m not his-“

“Thanks. Wow, I didn’t expect it to go that fast.”

“It wasn’t a complicated design, and, lucky for you, I’m the king of straight lines.”

Kevrin wiped the area of any excess ink, then grabbed a handheld mirror.

“Time for the big reveal, buh babam!”

Both the young adults peeked over to the finished project. Three slim, palm sized nails looked like they had fallen out of a hardware store and onto his arm.

“Oh thank god. I thought for sure you picked the poop emoji.”

“Nah, I wouldn’t do that to you. Even if you deserve it.”

“It looks great! Why nails though? Like nail in the coffin?”

“I should have known it’d be too complicated for you,” Louise said shaking her head. “Think about it. What’s another word for nail?”

“Spike?”

“Smaller than that.”

“... pin? Tack?”

“Ding ding ding. Tack. Your arm is now tacky, exactly what Cynthia will say when she sees it.”

Silence as the pieces fit into place, then Logan let out a snort.

“You put a pun on my arm. Not bad at all, even if it is a stretch. Although I guess everything is a stretch for you, short stack, ayo!” He high fived Kevrin, who looked tickled at the exchange.

“Alright you two. Checkout is at the counter, but hang back for a second while I go over some after care.”

Logan nodded then rifled in his pocket for his wallet. He handed his card over to her, and she almost dropped it out of shock from his act of trust.

“Will you go settle it for me? The pin is 8008.”

“Boob. Classic,” Louise remarked as she stood and made her way to the front.

Yessenia was still sorting boxes when she spotted Louise.

“He works fast, huh?”

“Yeah he did a pretty good job too, which is disappointing. I was really hoping he’d sneeze and mess it all up”

“Oh not Kevrin. My guy is the best!”

Louise faux sighed and agreed. She held up the plastic, and Yessenia understood to go to the register. Ringing up the charge, she noticed the name on the card.

“He gave you his money? Girl, you better abuse this.”

“I was just thinking about how best to take advantage of the situation.”

“Ooo you can send a bunch of flowers to your house or maybe buy yourself a tattoo, as well?”

Signing the receipt placed in front of her by doodling a Kuchi Kopi, Louise laughed.

“No tattoos for me yet. We’ll see though. Maybe I’ll get an anchor on my chest?”

“Or oven mitts on your butt,” Logan said, appearing through the curtain, arm wrapped in plastic.

She laughed at Yessenia’s confused expression. To her credit, Louise just barely remembered the day on the sledding hill.

They both said their thank yous and goodbyes to the two workers, who waved them off kindly. Yessenia couldn’t resist one last cheeky wink and thumbs up, at which Louise rolled her eyes.

The two exited the store, and Louise was surprised at how quickly time had flown by. A line for dinner had already formed near the door of Pesto’s.

She thumbed over the plastic money Logan still hadn’t reclaimed from her, food ideas running through her head.

“What an adventure. Welp, I’m starved. I think I’ll treat myself to the finest lobster at the Wharf.”

She flashed her companion’s own credit card at him before taking off down the sidewalk, laughing maniacally.

“Louise!” His footsteps thundered behind her.

Adrenaline kicking in, she burst forward with another wind at the thought of being chased. She felt like a kid again, playing tag and pranks and doing what kids do.

In a very un-kid like move, two arms circled around her waist and hoisted her into the air like nothing. Logan used the momentum to spin them around, so no one went plummeting to the ground.

Her back pressed against his torso, she squirmed in his arms and yelled at him to put her down.

“Never pick up a short person! Our rage is a thousand times stronger than you’re capable of handling!”

“There there, my little gremlin.” He mocked her antics, never once letting his grip slip.

“I can feel the power kicking in. Last chance to let me go before I’m at full strength for ass kicking.”

Movement stilled as his cheek brushed against hers.

“I guess I should feed you before midnight. Let’s get dinner.”

Then he bit her shoulder.

“I am NOT food, dingleberry!!”

Chapter 3: Corn Dogs

Chapter Text

Louise found it mildly unbelievable that she agreed to this. One second she’s delivering a burger to Mort (who totally could have picked it up himself) and the next she’s perusing the boardwalk for someplace with mostly edible food, Logan dragging his feet next to her.

She pulled her warm-ish coat tighter, silently cursing that she hadn’t grabbed the thicker one. Thinking back to how her mother greeted her when she returned to drop off Mort’s cash, pocketing the tip for herself, Louise cringed.

“Well well! Here I was thinking you pulled a Steve Miller on us, the ol’ taking the money and run routine. Where were you? Your father was worried sick.”

“I wasn’t,” Bob called from the ice cream machine.

“He almost threw up right in the fryer, so nervous.”

“Linda, oh my god. Ma’am, she doesn’t mean that. Finish your burger. Please sit back down. Don’t-”

A gasp.

“Bobby, hush, look! Is that Logan? Waiting outside for OUR little Louise?!”

No, she made the right call to grab whatever was laying around and run.

Taking a chance, she peered up at her companion. At the moment, he appeared deep in thought. Stupid, given their current task.

“Alright alright, I was kidding about the fancy dinner. Let’s just grab a corn dog from one of the stands or something.”

“Shut it,” Logan said without even looking at her. “We might as well make this special. I heard they opened a Meditteranean place down here?”

“There was an uprising. It no longer exists.”

“The workers unionized?”

“Fish hopped out of a tank and short-circuited the wiring somehow. Burned the whole place down.”

“That makes more sense.”

For every store with tacky beach memorabilia, there were as many restaurants packed to the brim for the Saturday night dinner crowd. They heavily criticized both, even snickering together when a patron glared at their mocking of themed eateries.

Louise considered selling Logan on the merits of a good corn dog again before he slapped at her shoulder.

“What about there?”

She followed his pointed finger to the much less active building

“Gross, no way! C-Food hasn’t even been open for a month. I don’t think Hugo’s even been there yet.”

“Oh ho, wow. Wow wow wow. It’s good to know that after all these years you’ve turned into One. Big. Chicken.”

Louise spluttered.

“You- after all- the NERVE of you! I don’t want rat poop in my lobster bisque and now I’m a chicken?!”

“I mean.. Yes?”

“Gimme your card. Now I’m going there AND eating alone.”

“Too bad, pipsqueak. You want the dough, you get the Low.”

Louise groaned.

“Low like Logan.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s me. I’m Logan.”

“I said I got it!”

Logan threw his arm around her and pushed forward.

“Ten bucks says you barf at the table.”

A man in a badly stitched sailor suit greeted them at the door. He looked almost shocked to see them but regained his composure and spouted off a memorized speech full of whale puns.

Her eyelid twitching to keep herself from making fun of the poor man, Louise barely stifled a groan as Logan egged him on. The two were then seated next to an oversized replica of a lobster.

Using the time allotted by the waitress as she listed off wine specials, Louise reevaluated her position. Here she was, sandwiched between a plastic crustacean she named Irvin and her arch-nemesis, yet she couldn’t stop smiling.

In a cool way though. Not in a dumb, face hurts kind of way.

After ordering water and complimentary bread, she gave Logan a once over. He did the same, but his eyes focused on the top of her head.

“What are you looking at?”

“I’m looking at you.”

“But why at my forehead?”

“What are you talking about? I’m making eye contact.”

“No, you’re not. Is there something on my face?”

“I wouldn’t know, since I’m looking into your beautiful, blue eyes.”

“My eyes are brown, dumbass. You’d know that if you weren’t burning a hole into my forehead.”

Logan let out a sigh with a hint of mirth, his eyes dropping down to meet her gaze.

“I was just wondering about your ears. Do you still have them?”

Her mouth quirked, and she busied herself looking out for the waitress with their drinks. No such luck, so she shrugged a bit.

“They’re probably still hanging around somewhere,” she said, though she knew her ears were carefully folded in the third drawer down of her dresser, Kuchi Kopi nestled in the pink threads.

The subject of tossing them came up a few times in the Belcher household, namely when she moved rooms. Her mom held her bunny ears and asked if she was ready.

What a stupid question. Louise guaranteed that, if it had been a baby blanket or her first stuffed animal, then her mother never would have dared to utter a phrase that sent pangs of dread straight into the youngest’s heart.

Or at least where her heart was supposed to be anyway. In Louise canon, she had long since done away with any heart and soul, selling them to the highest bidder.

“You still in there?” Logan interrupted her train of thought. She blinked, noticing for the first time that their drinks had arrived.

“So the ears,” he continued. “You’re still holding onto them?”

“I don’t know why that’s so important,” Louise shot back, busying herself by taking a sip of her water and avoiding eye contact.

“It’s obvious they’re important to you though.”

“I… guess,” she said as she set her cup down. “I wore them for… probably longer than I should have. Sending them to the dump felt criminal but in a bad way.”

“I get it,” Logan offered. “My first skateboard is basically a jar of splinters now. I still have it on a shelf though.”

“Did you ever manage any real tricks on that thing? Remember how you used to hop off the second you noticed me at the skatepark?”

“No doy. I knew you were only there to make fun of me when I fell!”

“Ehhh guilty,” Louise smirked. “All the jabs I had ready? Hysterical.”

“Yeah yeah,” Logan brushed her off. “Honestly, I never got all that good. Scotty was the real pro. Doesn’t change the fact that it was important to my identity. Kinda like how your ears were for you.”

Louise groaned.

“Shut upppp. You’re not qualified to psychoanalyze me, and you know it.”

Carrying a basket of bread, their waitress reappeared. Her name tag read “Joy,” but she looked far from it.

“Doing okay there, Joy?” Louise asked.

Joy’s eyes widened before she regained her composure. After a cursory glance around, she looked back at Louise.

“You know the big bucket of tartar sauce they keep in the back?”

“Obviously,” Louise ribbed.

“Don’t you ever just want to stick your head in there and scream into oblivion?”

“Well, what else would you do with it?”

The waitress almost put together a laugh, though it seemed like even that was too much for her. She barely took another breath before the sound of snapping cut her off.

“Soy!” Another woman called while snapping. “Where’s my refill? My cup’s been half-empty for 20 minutes.”

Weighed down by an invisible force, Joy’s face fell. She took a deep breath and, without turning around, called out in a sing-song voice.

“Right away, Mrs. Davis!” Rolling her eyes, Joy gave one last pitiful look at Louise then left to refill the woman’s drink.

“Oh, HELL no.” Louise, fueled by the irate passion of all service workers, shot daggers at the so-called Mrs. Davis, who sat alone at the bar. “Order for me, Bush. I’ve got somebody’s life to ruin.”

“Wait are you-“

Louise didn’t hear what he had to say next, already sliding into the seat left of Mrs. Davis. No bartender in sight, which was perfect.

“Paaardon me, madam, is this seat taken?” Louise asked in a posh accent. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. I’m already here.”

“There’s plenty of room at the other end of the bar,” Mrs. Davis said with her nose in the air.

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you, Morning Breath at 7pm,” Louise wiggled down into her seat and added her signature sarcastic rage to her tone. “But I’m just SO comfy here.”

Her current adversary thought better than to argue with her and instead scanned for an employee that might do her bidding.

After years behind a counter, Louise knew how to handle a broad like this. Her parents rarely let her act out in their restaurant, bad PR, but they weren’t here to stop her from stealing one of Mrs. Davis’ nachos.

The Karen registered disrespect slowly, her mouth creaking open like a Kraken ready to swallow a ship whole. Before her ire spilled out, the scraping of the chair to the right of Mrs. Davis interrupted them.

Logan flopped into his new seat with a dramatic flair and lazy salute.

“Ah, I see my associate has arrived. Care to explain your tardiness, Dr. Jekyll?”

“Well, Mrs. Hyde, you clearly double booked me and the banshee.”

“That damned secretary,” Louise made to put a hand on Mrs. Davis’ shoulder, which was quickly swatted away in disgust. “It IS so difficult to find good help these days, wouldn’t you say?”

“If you don’t leave me alone, I will-”

“Indeed!” Logan cut in. “Let’s combine the meetings then?”

“Very well,” Louise said. “What do you say, Banshee?”

“Waitress! I am being harassed.”

“Come now,” Louise leaned over the bar to peer at Logan. She snapped at him, positioning her fingers directly in front of the bar-goer's nose, so close she felt the bull-like puffs of breath. “Are we *snap* harassing *snap* this lady *snap snap*?”

“Hardly,” Logan replied, similarly leaning over the bar and intruding Davis’ personal space. “In fact, I think we should kick it up a notch.”

With the gusto and audacity only a straight man could possess, he burped on command.

“Soy! I demand to see your manager! If these two are not removed immediately-”

“No, I demand to see the manager and remove THIS lady!

Chaos erupted as the two women fought for the title of loudest and most annoying, something Louise thought she could win in her sleep. Mrs. Davis gave her a run for her money though, as nothing seemed to phase her besides the sudden appearance of the manager.

“Please, please! If you can’t- what if we worked- OKAY! I’m sorry to say this, but I must ask you both to leave.”

Louise and Logan traded a low five as the rants from Mrs. Davis escalated to full-blown indignant squawking. A burly person escorted her out of the building with a lot of noise but little fight.

A tap on her shoulder interrupted Louise’s snickering.

“You know this means you both need to leave too, right?” Joy said, eyebrow raised and hand on her hips. She looked lighter now that Mrs. Davis was gone.

Louise shrugged with a slight smile.

“Yeah yeah, we’re going,” she said as she fished in her pocket for the cash tip she got from Mort.

“A little something for your troubles.” Louise handed it to the waitress with a wink, who resisted a smile. “But we’re taking the bread!”

Following her lead, Logan grabbed the entire bread basket from their table as they both dashed out of C-Food. Joy shook her head, but at least the cloud of darkness cleared a little.

Louise and Logan made it out of the restaurant only to come face to face with Mrs. Davis, who seemed to be waiting for the troublemakers. She rounded on them, but with a “gogogogo” the two sped off towards Wonder Wharf.

Shrieks fading into distant, white noise, Logan deemed it safe enough to let out a woo!

“Dork!” Louise teased, though she failed to stifle her own adrenaline rush.

They slowed down simultaneously, panting, laughing, and only receiving a few wild stares from passersby.

Holding up the bread, Logan raised an excellent question.

“So what now?”

---

Corn dogs in hand, the two leaned against the wooden posts separating them from the ocean. The brisk night air only bothered her if she focused on it. Instead, with one foot dangling freely above the water, Louise let her mind wander in the comfortable silence.

This was… easy. Causing trouble and hanging out felt like some piece of her long absent slid back into place. Louise gathered her usual worries and let them go on her next exhale.

She hated to admit how much her blond companion helped elicit such freedom.

“What’s on your mind?” Louise asked the man to her right. He had been uncharacteristically not annoying for the past few minutes.

“I don’t know, man. It’s not worth thinkin’ about.”

Louise ignored the slight irritation at being called man. Dude would have been better, but she decided to correct him on that later.

“Alright, you got another five seconds to tell me before I’m too bored to pry.”

The two spoke over each other in increasing volume.

“One.” “No, it’s not-” “Two.” “like you’d care-” “Three.” “it’s stupid.” “Fouu-”

“I’m worried, okay? You happy now?”

co*cking her head to the side with her eyebrows scrunched up, Louise took a bite of her corn dog. She waved the rest of her stick to signal that he should continue.

Logan’s lips pursed to one side of his face, and he looked over the water.

“I’m worried I’m never going to get serious. Be an actual adult, you know?”

Louise’s heart sank.

“I’m having fun,” he continued, not noticing her reaction. “Today’s been awesome. I got a tattoo, we got kicked out of a restaurant, we were on the run. But… aren’t I supposed to get boring?”

Silence descended on them, only broken up by the waves crashing and the faraway music of carnival rides.

She tossed around a few ideas on how to respond: make fun of him for having emotions, figure out how to profit off the situation. None of them felt quite right, but she surprised herself by speaking anyway.

“I’m no expert, but I hear people spend forever trying to find their joy again,” Louise said. “Maybe just think of it like you’re ahead of the curve? Technically, I should have gotten serious two years ago. It doesn’t happen like that though, and you shouldn’t want it to.”

“Yeah?” Logan snorted. “Then why does everyone hype up their twenties?”

“Ah, they’re all faking it. Being responsible, sure that’s important, but no one really knows what they’re doing. Mom and dad? So much of my life was just them guessing what to do, but I still turned out great. It’s because they’re amazing people, not just good adults.”

She replayed what she said when Logan smirked. Realizing her mistake, she reached over and punched his shoulder.

“But don’t you EVER tell them I said that. I’ve got this tough love thing going on, and I don’t need you blabbing and ruining all my hard work.”

“Alright, sheesh, the fact that you’re a total cheeseball stays with me,” he said while rubbing his arm. “And thanks. For the advice. You’re pretty cool.”

“Of course I am. What else did you expect?”

Comfortable silence restored, Louise finished her corn dog and tossed the stick into the nearest bin. When she returned to their spot, Logan held out a piece of torn off bread from the basket at their feet.

“Bet you can’t hit that diaper,” Logan teased.

She squinted out at the ocean. Nearing eight at night, only a few lamp posts offered any sort of lighting.

“I can’t see it,” she said while taking the bread from his hand.

“It’s right…” Logan put himself behind her, guiding her arm, and pointed out at the dark waters. “There.”

She could barely make out the bobbing shape, though she didn’t know whether to blame the low lighting or Logan’s cologne. He put way too much on, and it was on the tip of her tongue to call him out. Then, his fingers ghosted against the back of her hand, a natural heat to her freezing skin, and suddenly she couldn’t remember how her joke went.

“Easy money,” Louise said once he backed up to give her room to throw.

After co*cking her arm, she let their slim pickings from C-Food fly and missed. By a lot.

“See? Easy money,” Lousie said and dusted off any crumbs.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Logan responded, leaning down to rip off another piece of bread from the basket. “You missed by a mile. Maybe two miles even.”

“Oh yeah? You try it, Shrubs.”

“I wi- shrubs?”

“It’s another word for bush. What’d they even teach you in college?”

“Eh. Anything beats that time you called me George W at least,” Logan said, taking aim. “It’s cute how you keep giving me nicknames.”

Louise averted her gaze and watched as his chunk of bread also missed.

“Ha! Not even close.”

“What? That was way closer than you,” he argued.

“Are we even aiming at the same diaper,” she countered.

“Here-”

He took her arm again, but this time he pressed his cheek to hers, gently nudging her to face the water. He gestured out slowly and pointed, while he placed his other hand on her back.

“See it?” He asked, holding still against her for longer than he needed to. When he spoke, his scruffy almost-beard lightly scratched along her jaw.

He waited for an answer, not letting her go. Unable to speak, Louise lowered her arm from his. Logan didn’t move away but repositioned to look at her, a curious expression forming. She mirrored him, and the eye contact hit her like a wave coming off of a fireplace.

Louise was suddenly hyper-aware of every connection, every breath, and every inch of space between them shrinking.

A beat.

Logan’s eyes darted down then back up. She wanted so badly to read his thoughts, but as hard as she concentrated she only heard the sounds of the ocean.

She tilted her head.

“Hey, Baby Belcher, is that you? God, you’ve grown like a foot since I last saw you!” The timelessly cheery voice of Mickey echoed over the docks.

My life is a sitcom, Louise thought, and this is where the laugh track plays.

“Can’t believe someone actually considers you taller,” Logan said, earning himself a jab in the ribs.

She untangled herself from him to match the disembodied voice to his figure. Spotting Mickey a ways away, she waved and yelled back.

“Yeah, it’s me! How ya holding up, buddy?”

“Oh same old, same old. The teacups are spinning, and so am I. Hey, you should join us for roulette some time!”

“The wheel kind or the Russian kind?”

“It’s a combination!”

“I’ll think about it!”

She waved her goodbye as Mickey went back to operating. Logan and Louise caught each other’s eyes at the same time, bursting out in laughter at the scenario.

When they calmed down, Logan picked up the bread basket and started to move to a trash can.

“It’s getting late. Want me to walk you home?”

“I think I can find it myself,” Louise said.

“But what about all the spooky dangers lurking around every corner?”

“On Ocean Ave? The only creep I have to worry about is you, Shrubs."

“Shrubs is growing on me,” Logan said, putting his arm around her shoulder. “I think it’s my favorite name yet.”

“Great! Now I have to change it.”

The pair bantered back and forth the whole way back to Bob’s Burgers.

Sneak peek of Chapter 4:

“Zeke! You better not be giving my sister a hard time.”

“Oh no way, Gene Machine,” Zeke said, standing up straight. “I was about to go anyway before y’all’s sweet family reunion could kick me in the tear ducts.”

He leaned over to squeeze Tina’s shoulder. From Louise’s perspective, he seemed to restrain himself from holding too tight, a hopeful look in his eye. With that, Zeke straightened his apron and headed for the kitchen.

“What was that all about?” Gene asked, shimmying into the booth with them.

“Long story,” Tina supplied. Gene quirked an eyebrow as if to say they had time.

“Hey, I thought today was going to be about me,” Louise interrupted.

“Honey, you’re not the one with hot goss OR the one painted in glitter right now. Take many seats.”

Chapter 4: Reunited and It Feels So Good

Chapter Text

“Hey, it’s me. Louise. You know that because my name is on your scree-“

Delete, delete, delete

“What’s up, Wolverine aka James Logan Howlett, Canadian anti hero of the X-men-“

Delete, delete, delete

“Look, you and I both know what was about to go down on that pier, so what are you going to do about it, you overgrown flea ridden puss-“

DELETE, DELETE, DELETE.

Louise yelled and threw her phone into the pile of dirty rags behind her. She glared at it, willing her cell to sink lower into the basket.

“Louise!!”

“What?!”

She turned to her dad, who was frantically flipping patties.

“I called you like four times. Your burgers are charring!”

Uncrossing her arms, Louise screamed with her dad while she helped to flip the remaining patties. An intense round of mutually panicked yelling ensued, and the father-daughter duo only calmed once all of the burgers were flipped and cooking evenly.

The two eyed the patties in silence until Bob glanced over at her phone and then to her.

“So, uh, close call there, huh?”

“Yeah... Thanks. For stepping in.”

“We almost had to change our burger of the day to something like... the Burning Love Burger. Comes with peppers and an apology.”

“Or how about Char-face,” Louise suggested. “Complain and we’ll hold you down on the grill. Free side of i-screams.”

“Whoa,” Bob said. “It’s a little early in the day for that much violence. Youuu wanna talk about it?”

Louise moved to prep. She could feel the side-eye from her father as she sliced the tomato. The thought of opening up to him lingered. Logan and her hadn’t said much to each other besides sending the occasional meme and one update about his tattoo healing. Plenty of time had passed after their moment on the pier, but it felt like an unaddressed elephant in the room that refused to go away.

Talking to her dad about romantic trouble though? That wasn’t something they did. Hell, when she dated Jessica, it was one big awkward pat on the back. She vowed from then on to keep her love life, or usual lack thereof, under wraps until the wedding if that ever happened.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll just- ow!” Louise sucked air in through her teeth after nicking herself with the knife. She set it down to inspect the damage.

“Are you blee- *heuogh* blood? Is blood?”

“Yes, dad. Is blood.”

“Let me *blrugh* help. Oh god.”

“I’m fine. You, on the other hand, look like you’re gonna pass out,” Louise said, swatting him with away. She walked to the first aid kit, but Bob followed her stubbornly.

“I won’t pass out. I only do when it’s my bl- red stuff.”

“Uh yeaah suure okay,” sarcasm inflicted on every word, Louise continued to evade him.

“Just let me help you with something. Please.”

Something else carried on his voice unspoken. Almost hurt. As she cleaned and treated her wound, nothing more than a minor cut, Louise glanced back at her dad. He had returned to the grill, and his shoulders seemed to slump more than usual.

Once her finger was securely wrapped, Louise surveyed her work. The adhesive seemed snug enough to work without worry and loose enough to not cut off circulation. The bandaid stuck out against her skin, a stark reminder that she wasn’t invincible. She hated it.

While she packed the medkit back full of bottles with faded labels and loose gauze, Louise stared, mesmerized at the scene of how things fit into the box. Chaotic, sure, but the two halves still clipped together into a neat white square once she finished.

She went back to her station, determined to show that tomato who’s boss. Let the contents spill out on the next unfortunate soul who needed the sterilizer. She resumed her task without another thought.

“You want to tell me what’s going on now,” Bob said more than asked.

“It’s noth-“

“It’s not nothing, Louise. You’re distracted enough that you got hurt.” He sighed. “I guess I could get Lin-“

“It’s Logan!” Louise interrupted, shaken to her core that Bob might sic Linda on her about a personal issue.

“Logan?” Bob scratched the side of his face. “Is he giving you trouble again?”

“Sort of. You want to beat him up?”

“I mean, not really, but if that’s what you want I could try.”

“Do they let you make reservations at a hospital?” Bob scoffed at Louise’s quip.

“Wait, isn’t he kind of skinny? I could take him.”

“Only if you don’t strain something standing up.”

“Mmm, that’s fair.” Bob acquiesced. “So what’s wrong with Logan?”

“Don’t you mean what’s right with Logan, ayo!”

The two high-fived, though Bob shot her a look that said he expected an answer.

At a crossroads, Louise considered her options. She could lie, was quite good at it, but felt like it might come back to bite her in the ass. She could give half the story, but he still had the Linda card and that woman sniffed out gossip like a bloodhound.

She finally landed on short and sweet. Rip it off like a bandaid. Bob could appreciate that maybe. As long as there wasn’t blood.

“I...” Louise mumbled the rest of the sentence.

“What?”

“I said I *mumble* ‘im.”

“One more time.”

“I think I like him! Ugh, now let me chop in peace, damn.”

Bob seemed to mumble an oh no to himself, then looked over at her confused.

“Wait I thought you were-”

“I’m bi, dad.”

“Right, yeah. Sorry, I’m uh bad with the labels. You know, if I hadn’t met your mom, I might have-”

“Oh my goddd, dad, we’ve had this talk before.”

“We have? Huh.”

A brief pause.

“So, Logan. Didn’t really seem like your type.” Bob said as Louise groaned.

“This conversation doesn’t seem like your type.”

“It’s not,” Bob reassured. “Trust me, it’s not, but I don’t understand why you’re getting so worked up over this. You usually seem… pretty collected? Loud but collected.”

“I am! It’s just,” she scoffed and debated how much to say. “We have a history. There’s a part of me that wonders if this is all one big prank.”

“Mmm.”

“But you don’t want to talk about me and some dude I gut punched one time.”

“If we’re being honest, there aren’t many people you haven’t gut punched around here.”

“I was a menace,” Louise sighed in agreement.

“You were. And still are- whoa,” Bob said as he dodged one of Louise’s blows. “But! You’re, also, still my baby. And I want you to be able to open up to us about this stuff. Mostly to your mother though. That’s kind of her thing.”

Bob opened his mouth to continue, but then closed it and seemed to think over his next lines. While he moved finished patties over to Louise for assembly, his voice raised several octaves as he talked to himself. It was hard to hear over the sound of the grill and general restaurant atmosphere, but whatever the burger said gave him the confidence to look back at his youngest daughter.

“You’re smart, Louise. Like, way smarter than me.” Bob told her to stop it while she gloated. “You can afford to be sure of yourself. If you need a conversation starter, grow a mustache.”

Louise caught the reference and laughed, oddly lighter after talking to him.

“With these genes? No sweat,” Louise said as she picked up her plated burgers. She gently headbutted her dad as a makeshift hug. He smiled at the gesture, and she exited the kitchen.

“I’ve got three ‘Wake me up before you asiago-go’ burgers.”

. . .

Louise dusted her hands off against each other, a drawn-out round of slow claps signaling the end of her task with extra vigor. She let out a dramatic sigh as she gathered her cleaning supplies and shuffled out of the bathroom.

“All done in there. Nobody use it for the rest of the day.”

“Louise honey, the dinner rush isn’t here yet. You mighta jumped the gun on doodie duty.”

“Not to worry, mother,” Louise said, taking out a sheet of paper and sticking it to the bathroom door. “I’ve got you covered.”

In big block letters, the sign read “Out of Order. Dad NOT stuck on toilet” accompanied by a photo of Bob from Coasters crossed out with a red X.

“Aww memories,” Linda cooed from the counter. Bob, next to her, shook his head.

“Why are you so early with restaurant responsibilities anyway? Not that I’m complaining, but it IS suspicious.” Bob asked.

“Tina and I are going to catch up before Gene’s show, so I want a head start getting ready.”

“Wait, you’re not going to be here for the dinner rush? Don’t you think you should have told us this a little sooner?”

“You know, it just seemed like it was going to be a whole thing, so… no.”

Bob let out his infamous “mmm” of disapproval but did not follow up. Linda flicked her husband playfully then skirted around him. Taking the bucket and dirty rag from Louise, Linda started with a tone that told Louise the woman sought information.

“Getting ready early, hmm? Just to see Tina and Gene?”

Shooting her a look of suspicion, Louise slowly took the rubber gloves out of her back pocket to pass on with the other cleaning supplies and nodded.

“Just those two? Who you have known your whole life?”

“... yes?”

“And not.. Maybe… a tall blond with a ton of ‘tude?”

Scandalized, Louise immediately whipped her head to Bob, who hid behind a menu. On pure instinct, she threw the yellow gloves at her father, hitting him square in the love handles with an eep.

“You Bob-edict Arnold! You told her, you traitor!”

“I didn’t mean to! She dragged it out of me.”

“It’s not his fault, Louise. You know your father cracks under pressure faster than milk on cereal. Snap, crackle, pop. That’s you, Bobby.”

Bob went to point his finger at Linda, but he moved too fast and his shoulder let out a string of pops. Humbled by his own body, Bob turned back to cleaning the menus.

Quest not forgotten, Louise looked for another missile to throw at her dad. She located a random spoon and wound up for the toss, but Linda intercepted. Unfortunately, her mom’s height proved the winning advantage. With a final huff, Louise crossed her arms.

“I’m sorry, Louise.” Linda tossed the spoon out of her reach then hugged her daughter. “Look at me. I got crazy eyes. People can’t refuse a gal with crazy eyes.”

Linda pulled away from the hug but kept her hands on her daughter’s shoulders. At this distance, it suddenly hit Louise how much Linda aged since they last played keep away. The laugh lines along her mouth deepened and the gray of her roots shown through the dyed black length of her hair. Looking into her mom’s eyes, Louise didn’t see the crazy she talked up but the softness of a mother who just cared a little too much.

“I worry about you is all,” Linda finished, then smiled almost wickedly. “Now come here, my littlest baby.”

Pulling her back into the hug, Linda attacked her with a rain of loud kisses on the top of her head.

“Gah! Come onnn,” Louise whined but waited until the woman finished showering her with love.

Once the beast released her, Louise walked to the other side of the counter. She made an “I’m watching you” motion to Bob but let him off the hook otherwise.

“Now that we’ve covered my entire life story, I’m going upstairs to change. Unless of course, somebody wants me to go over my dream journal with them?”

Linda’s eyes lit up and she opened her mouth but Bob shook his head at her, wordlessly communicating Louise’s sarcasm. She snapped her fingers with an “aw darn it” then focused back on Louise who crept closer to the door.

“What if, hear me out, we went with you tonight?” Linda questioned. “We could close up and all go support Aquamagene together! That’d be fun, right?”

Pursing her lips, Louise considered the situation. The preparatory text she sent to Tina and Gene about having news would go to waste, as there was no way on this green earth she planned to make a family meeting out of her stupid crush.

But. Maybe this was the sign that she should just let it go? If she didn’t dwell on it, she could move on.

“I-”

“Lin, could I talk to you, um, behind this napkin dispenser?”

Bob picked up said napkin dispenser and held it in front of his and Linda’s lips, blocking Louise’s view. Their hushed whispers were hard to make out, though it sounded like Bob took up the role of voice of reason again. Feigning ignorance, Louise pushed a straw wrapper under the first booth with her shoe and waited for the two to finish their conversation.

“Uh, actually,” Linda said as the napkin dispenser returned to the counter. “I made plans to call Ginger, and you know how she gets. Guess you’re on your own tonight. Promise me you’ll stay safe!”

Louise glanced between her parents, both sporting weary but positive faces. Louise shrugged, accepting their decision, then made her way to the exit.

“No problem. I’m sure I’ll be the scariest one there anyway. This town’s full of wimps.” She shouldered the front door open, the bell ringing her departure. “I’m headed upstairs to change, but I’ll pop back in to say bye.”

“Stay out of my room!”

With a chuckle, Louise let the door shut behind her. Not checking the sidewalk, she almost bumped into some guy in a suit on his cell, who didn’t spare a glance in her direction. She went to yell at him but instinctively patted her pockets for her own phone and came up empty.

The image of it sinking into the rag basket, the result of her frustrations from earlier, popped into her head. Louise turned to head back to the kitchen. Grasping the handle, she peered through the glass and saw her parents still at the counter. Something in their body language stopped her.

And then she looked at them. Really looked at them.

Bob’s head rested on Linda’s shoulder, while Linda wrapped her arms around him. They were talking without looking at each other, staring only into the intangible space in front of them. It hit her again, the glass obstructing the typical bias of seeing the same person every day. Without her brain automatically filling in the minutiae of her parents’ image, she saw just how old, caring, and disgustingly in love her parents were. She wondered, involuntarily, if that was in the cards for her.

Louise decided to get her phone later.

. . .

Technically speaking, the club Gene played at, Hextacy, only allowed those aged 21 and up entry, but Louise snuck in frequently regardless. It wasn’t incredibly hard, with Zeke bouncing most nights Gene performed.

However, when Zeke worked in the kitchen, one slight issue named Nicholas Truman guarded the den of sin. While she still got in fairly easily, Nick offered more of a challenge, gaining confidence each time to reject her.

Just her luck, Nick’s scrawny frame blocked the entrance of the nightclub. Spotting her as she strolled to the door, he immediately began to shake his head and stood his ground.

“Nope, nuh uh, not this time, Louise. I’m not letting you in.”

“Nicholas, honey, baby, gummy bear man.”

“I sat in a melted pile of Haribos ONE TI-“

“Listen, you and I both know this is going to go down like it always does. You say some things, I say some things-“ Louise cut herself off with a chuckle. “I’m going inside, and you’re going to stand and bounce like a good little jumpy boy.”

“No way! I know your ID is fake. I could get in a lot of trouble.”

Louise silently admitted he had a point. Though she turned twenty, a one year difference still presented a slight issue.

A cane tapping along the sidewalk behind her rang out, louder than their argument.

“Ah, the pink one of Bob’s children,” Mr. Fischoeder interrupted, sauntering to the door of the nightclub. Tonight, he donned a cape and tophat, all in monochromatic white of course. “I have found you on yet another property that I lord.”

“Hard not to when you own half the town,” Louise replied.

“Actually, it’s more like 93 percent. That damn post office refuses to crumble.”

“Ugh, the federal government, am I right?”

“This one gets it,” he said, patting Louise’s shoulder. He gestured to the doorway. “Shall we enter?”

She fought against the urge to blow a raspberry at Nick as Fischoeder led her inside.

“So, Pinky, I’m glad you’re here because-“

“Actually, it’s Louise. L-O-U-I-S-E. You’ll need to know how to spell it for your will.”

“Oh child, I won’t be needing a will. Not if Project Boris works out anyway.”

“Is that another immortality quest thing?”

“Who told you,” Fischoeder fixed her with a suspicious eye then held up a hand. “No matter. It’s not like you can stop me without an airline business in Guatemala. No, I wanted to speak to you about something else.”

Calvin led her through the hallway, down a set of stairs, and finally into the belly of the nightclub. While the exterior of the building suggested a modern whiskey bar, with the first floor matching that description, the basem*nt took the “Hex” in Hextacy to another level.

The entire open area resembled a night out with Glinda the Good Witch. Bubbles, glitter, a cloud ceiling with strobe lights in different colors all completed the manic pixie dream girl theme. Thankfully, she was early enough that they hadn’t dimmed the lights yet, the stage crew still setting up for shows later. It left plenty of time to prepare her senses for overstimulation.

“Right over here, Luis.”

They stopped in front of the two bartenders, who were slicing limes and not at all looking panicked at the owner’s presence.

“See, Winona and Mike here are two of my best bartenders, but three weeks ago their tip pool began to dwindle. This is, of course, a BIG problem for me. Once workers stop making big money tips, they pester me about, ugh, livable wages, and we both know how that will go. See if you can figure this out for me?”

Louise cracked her knuckles.

“Give me four minutes, tops.”

Three and a half minutes later, she made her way back to Fischoeder.

“Alright, here’s the scoop. Your bartenders make tips because they’re charismatic and hot. People think ‘oh maybe I have a chance with that person,’ so they buy more drinks just to talk to them.”

“Right, that makes sense. But why the tip dip?”

“They can’t be charismatic and hot if they’re uncomfortable. The outfits you have them in suck. I mean, don’t you think it’s funny how right after you started making them wear uniforms they stopped pulling in the big bucks?”

“Aww, but the uniforms were supposed to be a fun brand thing. They look like little witches.”

Louise shrugged.

“Do you want to solve the problem or not?”

“Ah, fine, I’ll nix the uniforms,” Mr. Fischoeder said. “You know, it’s impressive that you figured that out so quickly.”

“It’s a gift. Pass me an amaretto sour, and I’ll consider this a fair trade.”

“I couldn’t possibly poison you in such a manner. How about a scotch?”

Just the thought of drinking an oaky hospital cleaner put a grimace on her face. No free underage drink was worth that, and she told him as much.

“Your loss! Now, if you excuse me, I’ve got to see a man about a titan beetle. Before I go,” Fischoeder clasped Louise’s shoulder. “If you ever tire of burger grease, consider giving management a try. You’ve got an eye for business and a beanie for bongos. I might be able to find a place for you.”

With one final tap of his cane, Mr. Fischoeder sauntered off into the fog.

Great, just another thing to have weighing on her mind. Pick a thing to be worried about: relationship or future occupation. Though, she supposed she had time to dwell. Tina notoriously showed up late to these-

“Louise,” a monotone voice said. Combined with a tap on her shoulder, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Jesus, Tina!” Louise turned to see that her sister arrived, not just on time, but early. “When did you fix your feet? They’re supposed to be clunky enough to warn me when you’re coming.”

“Oh, I got these new shoes. They’re not really my style, but the sales clerk was really nice, so one thing led to another and now I have his number and shoes I don’t like.”

Louise threw her head back and laughed. Despite their parents’ hopes that it was just a phase, Tina’s boy crazy behavior slowed down minimally after she left for college. It turned into a discussion about the importance of protection more than once. The two facetimed each other later to laugh every time.

They apparently hadn’t chatted face to face in a while though, as Louise noticed Tina’s changes. She grew her hair out to wear in a messy bun and swapped her classic glasses for a round lens with a thin frame. While Louise admitted that they suited her, she also wondered if Tina still had her square frames tucked away on her person, too sentimental to toss them.

More people started to file into the large open area, so the sisters shuffled to claim a booth to the side of the room before they were all taken.

“This is a little surprising,” Louise commented as they slid into their seats. “You haven’t shown up for a sibling meeting on time since you lived with us.”

“How could I not?” Tina fished her phone and wallet out of her bag. After a second of scrolling, she read off a text Louise remembered well.

Louise: T i know you said you were coming to gene’s show a while ago but if you back out last minute i will burn the box of horse figurines you hid in the closet.. your choice

Tina dead-eyed her sister after she finished repeating the threat.

“There will be consequences if you touch my horses.”

“Now I don’t have to! See, threats work.” Tina shrugged in response.

“Actually, it had more to do with the text you sent to the group chat later. What’s the news, kangaroos?”

Louise pulled at a strand of her own hair, avoiding Tina’s gaze. The conversation required courage, and she didn’t want to have to repeat it with Gene. If Tina kept up with that look though, Louise would crack in no time.

“Hey, look, your wallet. Let’s see if that bookstore job is actually paying you decent.” Louise reached for the wallet, opening it to see a bit of cash but mostly receipts and fast food coupons.

“Don’t distract- give it back. My license isn’t a toy.” Tina snatched her wallet and its contents, albeit with the reflexes of a sloth.

“Speaking of legal IDs, how about fetching us some drinks, hm sister dear?”

Tina sighed, then scooted out of the booth.

“Watch my stuff?” She left for the bar before Louise answered.

Catching a few partygoers eyeing her sister, Louise prepared to forfeit her claim on their seats if anyone got too chatty. Tina, none the wiser, was a woman on a mission and made it to the bar without delay. Louise admired the girl’s can-do attitude and felt for the briefest of seconds mild jealousy. The assuredness Tina exuded drew people in, and she wondered if that came with experience or something naturally Tina.

She also wondered what she might say when Tina got back. The distraction game wouldn’t hold forever, but she knew she wasn’t ready. What did T want from her anyway? Pouring her heart out before even ONE drink? Ridiculous.

After not too terribly long, Tina carefully returned to Louise, drinks in hand.

“I actually didn’t think you’d have it in you. Thanks,” Louise said and sipped the co*cktail passed to her. She quickly realized the trick her elder sister had pulled. “A virgin?!”

Tina smirked.

“Rules are rules, Louise.”

Louise scoffed. Rules be damned, she switched Tina’s drink with hers, but she encountered the same problem.

“You ALSO got a virgin drink?!”

“This isn’t my first rodeo. And you’re not my first cow. Wait, no, not a cow, uhhh..”

The two bickered for a bit, though Louise knew she fought a losing battle. Unless Louise was a hot dude with an accent, there was no swindling the girl into getting her something good.

With all of the distractions, they ended up missing the opening act and completely ignored the crowd forming. Until the announcer rang out “Welcoming, Aquamagene to the stage!” the two lived in their own bubble. The promise of their sibling’s act snapped them back to reality, and they cheered as Gene came on.

Decked out in a seafoam corset that accented her chubby frame, Aquamagene swished her sequined high low skirt, light bouncing off in an array of dazzling yellows and blues. Though she only lip-synced to a pop remix of a Little Mermaid song, her chest still puffed up like she was singing with her all. She looked at home.

This particular show was about a mermaid, who grew legs and became a star instead of falling in love. The crowd ate up the costume change mid-song. Gene’s talent with fabric was unmatched, blending the fish motif into decorated earplugs they needed to withstand the large crowds.

Personally, Louise thought the entire skit existed purely to show off how great Gene’s legs looked. And who could blame them, with the best calves of the family?

“So,” Louise said after Gene’s drag persona had cleared the stage and the rapturous applause subsided. As Gene presumably changed out of their drag persona and into their club clothes, she struck up conversation with Tina again. “Seeing anyone new?”

Tina almost formed a half-smile as she regaled Louise with her college tales.

“Well, I thought I was seeing someone, but turns out they were just a promoter for Zap energy drinks, so that didn’t work out.”

“How. Please. Tell me, hooww did you get mixed up with a drinks salesman?”

“So there I was: one woman, one car painted to look like a leopard…”

In the middle of Tina’s second story about how a customer at the bookstore was attempting to hit on her, she suddenly fell silent. Louise almost questioned the behavior but noticed a figure sneaking up on them.

“Whoa, look out! It’s the Belcher Bunch! Well, two of ‘em anyway.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Louise saw the bulk named Zeke walking to their table. He never stopped growing, towering over them at six feet something and with a portly belly to match. Louise had to hand it to him. Dude rocked a dad bod.

“Zeke! Your doorman gave me trouble again.” Louise exclaimed, taking over for Tina’s silence. If she guessed by the way her sister raked her eyes over the club’s cook for the night, Tina likely wouldn’t get many words out. Louise imagined that a fantasy world captured the bespectacled Belcher.

“Nick never knows when to let a good thing slide. You’re a joy to be around, Louise!”

“That’s what I said!”

In between Zeke’s many shifts, they had become closer. Nothing to write home about, but she felt a kinship with the brunette standing in front of her in an apron and comfortable shoes.

“How’s college, T-bird? They treatin’ you right up there?” Zeke focused back on Tina, a force of habit Louise noted.

Tina, who previously chatted up a storm about her failed flings, shrugged almost bashfully.

“I can’t complain. There’s nothing like the comforts of home though.”

“Well, I’ll take up the part of town representative when I say we miss you something awful.” He added an extra oomph to his words, a tone Louise couldn’t place and an intensity unmatched. “Looks like the city life suits you though. You look… good. Er, Very good. Beautiful even. Aw shucks.”

Zeke moved back to cough into his elbow, a poor attempt at distracting his embarrassment. Tina, in all her infinite wisdom, chose not to point out the obvious.

“Thanks. I guess I do look pretty good,” she said with a swish of the few strands that escaped her hair bun and confidence that calmed everyone at the table. “But, that doesn’t mean I don’t miss you guys too.”

“I hope so,” Zeke said after regaining his composure. He leaned forward to Tina in a whisper. “I haven’t forgot about your promise from... the night before you left.”

At that, Tina went wide-eyed, a blush dusting her cheeks. She meant to respond but was cut off by the boisterous voice of one middle child.

“Zeke! You better not be giving my sister a hard time.”

“Oh no way, Gene Machine,” Zeke said, standing up straight. “I was about to go anyway before y’all’s sweet family reunion could kick me in the tear ducts.”

He leaned over a final time to squeeze Tina’s shoulder. From Louise’s perspective, he seemed to restrain himself from holding too tight, a hopeful look in his eye. With that, Zeke straightened his apron and headed for the kitchen.

“What was that all about?” Gene asked, shimmying into the booth with them.

“Long story,” Tina supplied. Gene quirked an eyebrow as if to say they had time.

“Hey, I thought today was going to be about me,” Louise interrupted.

“Honey, you’re not the one with hot goss OR the one painted in glitter right now. Take many seats.”

“No, I agree with Louise. We promised to talk to her after your show.”

The half-assed attempt to distract them didn’t work, but once Tina set her mind to something there was nothing to stop her. Louise joined her, focusing attention on the minor celebrity.

Sans wig and sequins, Gene’s shoulder-length hair tucked into a comfortable hoodie. The makeup was rubbed off just enough that other club attendees likely wouldn’t recognize them but retained a smokey eye look. Combined with an ever-present smile, Gene glowed despite the dress down.

“You did amazing up there, Gene. Was the wig shaking planned?”

“Nothing I do is planned. I had to get creative with the glue situation, but it held together about as well as a Nature Valley granola bar.” Gene said as they motioned for Winona the bartender to bring a round of somethings to their table. Louise guessed it was a pull that came with being a regular act. “But thank you. I do think that was in the top five of Aquamagene’s greatest hits.”

When Winona returned, she carried three signature co*cktails, winking at Gene as she passed them around. Gene winked back, then nudged Louise as she left.

“Check it out, these are on the house I bet. She’s sweet on me.”

“Whaaat? Are you still seeing that one guy? You called him your Pooh Bear?”

“Hundred Acre Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Picking up her drink, Louise gave a sniff, determining that, yes, there was actually alcohol in this one.

“Did I ever tell you? You’re my favorite sibling.” Lousie said, directing the compliment at Gene who full belly laughed.

“I better be! A sister makes the best friend.”

After a few more pleasantries, the conversation shifted to Louise’s focus.

“Come on, spill. You left us in suspense for way too long.”

Louise nodded, recognizing her own stalling. She took a swig of her drink, a move that looked unnatural for the fruity co*cktail but gave her the courage she needed.

“There’s a guy. And I think I might have… feelings for him, but I don’t know if it’s the right move.”

Staring intensely at the wood of the table, Louise let the two soak in the new information.

“That’s it? I thought you actually had some Organic Dragon Pearls level tea…”

“Well,” Louise dragged. “I haven’t told you who it is yet.”

“We know him?” Tina asked.

“Yes.”

The two leaned in, interest renewed.

“Rudy?”

“No, he’s off in New York living up the bachelor life.”

“One of the Pesto twins?”

“Absolutely not.”

“... Zeke?”

Tina, for her part, seemed to regret throwing out the suggestion while Gene smirked at the slight hesitation.

“No, it is not Zeke. Although, he IS quite the catch. Maybe I should…” Louise trailed off.

“Uhhh I don’t really know that you’d be a good fit,” Tina’s voice raised a pitch as she spoke faster than the thoughts formed. “You know, with the um wrestling and also the. Um. Other thing?”

Gene stepped in to save Tina from digging her hole any deeper.

“She’s messing with you, babe. No, this person has to actually be crazy if she’s dragging it out like this.”

“That sounds like Louise. Go big or go home.”

“Mmhmmm.”

“Oh please,” Louise said. She waited, letting the silence take over until Tina brought her glass up to her lips. She finished her thought. “It’s Logan.”

A self-satisfied smirk stretched across the entirety of her face as Tina choked on her drink. Gene threw her some napkins but also seemed relatively shocked by the admission.

“You mean to tell me that I was right?! You’re gonna reconnect and get married?”

“Whoa whoa whoa! Nobody said anything about marriage.” Louise waited for Tina’s recovery while brushing off the stray liquid that had landed on her. “We just. He came back to town, and... I don’t know.”

“Call me Gene Nostradamus Belcher, because I still count this as a win,” Gene said, eyes closed and patting themselves on the back.

“Have you thought at all about the age gap?” Tina said, one last cough signaling the end of her fit.

“Oh that’s rich coming from the girl who flirted with her Algebra 1 professor. What was he, like 37?”

“Don’t hate the player, Gene. Besides, I made a B- so clearly I wasn’t successful.”

“I’ve seen your math work. There’s no way you would have made a B- without flirting.”

Settling into her seat, Louise took the scene in. She missed this good-natured teasing between family. No one else on earth could get away with what these three said to each other, and it felt right.

Louise, for the second time that night, decided to cut Tina some slack and interrupted Gene’s list of older men Tina lusted after at one point or another.

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it. And about how we used to pick on each other.” Louise remembered one particularly strange night where she read a little too deeply into the psych book from Tina’s previous core classes. “There’s a part of me that’s... worried, but then I think back to that night on the pier.”

“What happened on the pier?”

“Well, not to get too graphic, but… we DID almost kiss.”

Tina gasped.

“Today’s the day. Finally.” She reached over the table and gave Louise the lightest of slaps. Louise wanted to laugh but Tina seemed so serious. “You think you know? Know how to lock lips? You think you know what it feels like to kiss a man, Tina?”

Tina’s hand paused just before she could tap Louise again.

“Oh f*ck.”

“Language!” Gene shouted.

“Ugghh,” Tina groaned. “I was supposed to say Louise. I’ve been planning this for years, but her first serious relationship was with a girl so I couldn’t use it then and I kept waiting and the pressure built up and-”

“T, I’ve kissed boys before,” Louise said, amused by her sister’s dramatics.

“But that’s just it, isn’t it? Our sister has become a woman,” Gene said. “And this is no mere boy. But a man! HmmMMM.”

Louise rolled her eyes hard.

“I wouldn’t give him that much credit. Although,” Louise trailed, thinking of her last short-lived love interest. “He does have more facial hair than Jackson.”

Tina and Gene exchanged a look.

“Please tell me it’s not a mustache,” Tina said.

“No? It’s more of a scruff- wait what are you getting at?”

Her elder siblings laughed together while Louise scrambled for an explanation in the dark. Catching their breath, Gene leaned in and nudged Louise.

“Just making sure the whole Freudian thing isn’t an issue here.”

“Oh f*ck you two! I’m leaving!”

Louise began to stand, but her two companions both reached out to grab her.

“No no, I’m sorry Louise. We were joking. Stay please.”

“Yeah, we’re an incomplete set without you.”

Rolling her eyes, Louise stayed standing, just in case the need to run arose again.

“Louise, it doesn’t matter that you like a guy with facial hair. Or that you used to get into fights with him when you were younger. Okay, maybe it matters a little but really-”

A thud sounded underneath the table, glasses rattled, and Gene yelped. Tina locked eyes, communicating something Louise would have to weasel out of her later.

“Look,” Tina said, tugging Louise back into a sitting position. “Yes, there’s history there. Yes, there’s an age gap. That being said, I have one question for you.”

The deep thumping of the club’s bass and a round of cheers suddenly sprang to her ears as the DJ switched on a song everyone except Louise apparently knew. She found it difficult to keep track of Tina’s next phrase. The eldest daughter leaned in, seeming to understand Louise’s new dilemma, and cupped her hands around her mouth.

“Do you like him?”

Sometimes, in a crowded room, people synced to silence universally. They’re odd moments, but they happened frequently enough in the restaurant that Louise startled only slightly when it happened in the club.

Were people really not talking? Had the music paused? Why were they staring at her so intensely?

Self-reflection didn’t come easy. Louise often felt it’d be easier to lay her hand on the grill than to sit and feel the full breadth of her feelings for too long. In this moment though, she mustered up the courage to repeat Tina’s question to herself.

Did she like him?

Louise answered, more sure of herself now than she had been for weeks.

“Yes.”

With that, Tina shrugged and leaned back into the booth.

“Then that’s all there is to it. Sure, you’re worried, but it’s normal to be worried about change. Trust your instincts and make sure to keep reaching out to us with news,” Tina smiled reassuringly. “Now finish your drinks. I want to dance.”

With the full force of Tina’s confidence and Gene’s show-stopping smile pointed at her, Louise felt powerless to refuse. A part of her wanted to stay and talk longer, ask all of life’s big questions to her elder siblings, but she decided they could unravel the world’s mysteries on a later day.

Were the Belcher kids the best dancers? No, their Charlie Brown Christmas Special moves impressed few. Did they have fun anyway? Hell yes.

Later that night, Louise crawled into bed, slightly buzzed and completely content. She pulled out her phone at the ripe time of 1:36 in the morning and messaged Logan.

Louise: Hey, what are you doing next Saturday?

Chapter 5: The Never-ending Date

Chapter Text

Louise : Hey, what are you doing next Saturday?

Shrubs: depends
Shrubs: also it’s 2am
Shrubs: in case you were unaware

Louise : Depends onwhat?

Shrubs: are you taking me somewhere fancy, what time, is this a date, what’s the dress code

Louise : The park, 4pm,, wear your finest evening gown

Shrubs: you skipped one

Louise : It didn’t seem pertnnt
Louise : pertanint
Louise : pertinent

Shrubs: oh it’s VERY pertaninent

---

“That’s your fourth time opening the fridge, Looky Louise. Are you going on a date with Logan or the leftovers?”

For all the eccentrics, parties and songs, Louise gave credit to her mom: the woman was a whizz at reading people.

Shutting the fridge door, Louise faced Linda, who sat at the kitchen table. She didn’t know how she missed the woman and her large array of multi-colored yarn balls.

“Taking up knitting again? What is this, the thirty-ninth time?”

“More like 69th, ha!” From the living room, Gene’s “nice!” bounced off the walls. With Linda snorting at her own joke, Louise moved to the kitchen entryway.

“Where do you think you’re going, miss missy? Sit.” Linda nudged a chair next to her out far enough for Louise to slide in. She acquiesced, groaning all the while. “Yeah yeah, that distraction thing only works some of the time. You’re gonna need to learn a few new tricks to get one over on me.”

Louise pawed at the lime green yarn and slumped over in her seat. While she appreciated her mother’s interest in her, Louise dreaded the inevitable fishing from the woman. Linda constantly acted this way with Jessica and any almost-partners mentioned in passing.

Uncharacteristically, Linda stayed quiet and focused on her task, needles tapping in an offbeat rhythm. Only when it became clear that Louise refused to break to her silent treatment interrogation tactics did Linda open her mouth.

“Sooo, what’s on your mind?” Linda asked.

“I don’t know,” Louise said, sinking her fingers into the cotton she picked up at weird angles. “Nothing? Everything? It’s confusing.”

“Oh to be young and in looove~” Linda sighed out with a dreamy expression. In retaliation, Louise rolled her eyes and pulled at one of the strands of yarn Linda held, causing her mother to shoot her a murderous look. “Hey! Don’t go messin’ with my projects just cause you got a mushy, heart-of-gold center.”

“Sick! I do NOT have a mushy center.”

“No, of course not. And my name’s Elizabeth Taylor.” Linda clicked her tongue against her teeth. “I wish it was. Oh she was just gorgeous.”

Past instances proved that, without interruption, Linda could talk about Elizabeth Taylor for twelve minutes. All Louise needed was to stay low to the ground and she would be free.

However, the second Louise inched to sneak away, Linda bopped her on the head.

“You’re dragging this out. Get to the advice part already.” Louise adjusted her beanie back to its original position pre-bonking. “Not that I haven’t heard it all before. Dad says I’m smart, so I can be sure of myself. Tina says I’m normal, so it’s okay to be worried. Gene, I don’t know, farted or something. All the life lessons you could want!”

Linda set down her needles and patted Louise on the back, waiting for the rest of the speech that Louise hadn’t realized was coming until it poured out of her mouth.

“It’s just, even with all the advice, it still doesn’t feel real. Okay, I feel how I feel, but what does HE feel?”

“Have you talked to him, sweetie?”

“Every day since I texted him about meeting up. Not about anything like this, but it’s like we’ve been having one forever conversation that doesn’t start or stop.”

“That’s a pretty long time.”

“Right? And it’s good conversation too! Like, he’s funny-don’t tell him I said that-and we like a lot of the same shows and he... gets me. But-”

“The only ‘but’ I want to hear is mine, sitting happily with a glass of pinot on the couch later,” Linda stroked her daughter’s hair. “Here’s what your father and sister left out. Yes, you’re plenty smart and normal...ish. But! You’re strong too. No matter what happens, if he, for whatever crazy reason, isn’t already madly in love with you, I know everything will come up Louise Belcher eventually. You got all my life zest, remember? That takes ya far, kid.”

Leaning into her mother’s touch, Louise thought over what she said. She exhaled through her mouth, nodded, and lifted her head to peer through Linda’s rosy red frames.

“Thanks. I needed that.”

“Anytime, honey. Now hold still. I’m gonna try to match your beanie’s pattern.”

“Is that even a thing?”

“Hush!”

---

Nothing in life was worth waiting in line for, Louise swore.

She sighed for what felt like the seventeenth time and peered around the person in front of her at the Dippin’ Dots cart. No luck. The crone currently taking the attention of the sole park vendor still hadn’t figured out how to use the chip inserter for her credit card.

Louise groaned and resumed tapping at her side while checking the park’s entrance again.

“Hey lady,” a voice behind her in line called out. “Can you stop twitching like that? It’s freaking me out.”

Nose scrunching, Louise turned to a pasty boy in glasses pointing at her hands, which froze under his scrutiny. She considered the situation for a second, then shot him a glare.

“Mind your business, twerp.”

Instead of tapping at her side, Louise crossed her arms and let her nerves release tension through her foot. The new move created more noise than the prior, which clearly aggravated the kid. He let out a huff but said nothing.

With little else to focus on, she second-guessed her outfit. Sure, the green hoodie and jean shorts were a classic, but should she have gone with something… suggestive? Louise sniffed at her own indecisiveness and tried in vain to shove that thought back to the insecurity hellhole it came from.

After an eternity, the line moved forward, and it was her turn. She asked “Can I get a cup of Ultimate Brownie Batter?”

Angels sang as Louise watched the vendor scoop her Dippin' Dots. Finally, her reprieve to this stupidly sunny day would be delivered to her in a paper cup.

No sooner had she grabbed for the treat then it was yanked from her grasp, spilling a good portion to the ground.

“You little bastard!” Louise yelled as the jerk behind her in line stole her ice cream.

Louise watched, tempted to run after him as he sprinted away, her cup in his ungrateful hands. A dejected sigh fell from her lips and her shoulders slumped. The kid already cleared a good fifty feet, and she had no hope of catching up.

“Ah, that’s bad luck little lady. Here I’ll get you another scoop, on me,” the vendor reassured her as they scooped another cup. This time when she took it, she clutched it more protectively while giving her appreciation.

“Thanks. Kids these days, amirite?” She smiled, but her mood darkened considerably. Thoughts of revenge plagued her, but she didn’t know how to carry them out with the kid hightailing it that fast.

While she contemplated hacking into a facial recognition software, Louise missed the sound of wheels on pavement approaching. The only thing to knock her out of her daydreams was a slight rap of knuckles against her head.

Turning, Louise saw Logan in a short-sleeve, maroon t-shirt showing off part of his tattoo, which looked better in person than the healed photo she saw a while back. They messaged about how Cynthia reacted every time she caught a glimpse of it; Logan was kind enough to record a voice note imitating her tone when text didn’t cut it. She finished her scan of his outfit, down to the skateboard he kicked up.

It took a few more seconds before she realized she couldn’t think of anything to say. Not even a hello seemed feasible, but thankfully he took the lead.

“So,” Logan said, chin angled upward, co*cky grin in place, and eyes half lidded. He shot his eyebrows up for a half-second then asked “thinking about me at 2am, huh?”

She mentally took back her thank you. Speechlessness suited her better than humiliation.

“Oh it was not like that, and you know it.”

“Sure sure,” Logan replied. He crossed his arms and shrugged with theatrical nonchalance. “Next time a simple ‘you up’ will suffice.”

“Don’t you tell me what will suffice,” Louise said, pointing at him menacingly.

“Too late. I already did.” Logan pulled on her sleeve and guided her to a park bench. She sat and immediately dug into her ice cream, while he propped his board and lounged next to her.

“It wasn’t a you up text,” Louise said through a mouthful of dots. “I was CLEARLY just curious about my arch enemy’s schedule. So I could avoid you.”

“Mhmm, let’s consult the evidence, shall we?”

“No!” As Logan pulled out his phone, Louise rushed to take it from him, reaching for it even while he evaded her grasp. He snickered at her efforts and swiftly put an end to it by clamping his arm over her shoulders, holding her steady against him.

“It’s not polite to reach across someone, Blue Cheese.”

“That nickname doesn’t even make sense!”

“It rhymes. It makes perfect sense. And you’re one to talk. Bush Beans?”

“Wait,” Louise paused her struggle. “Do you not like that one? I thought.. I thought it was go-"

“No, hold on-" “So you don’t-?” “I never said I didn’t like it.” “But you were like-"

“That- no it’s good.”

“Well, now I can’t tell because maybe you’re just trying to-"

“Make you-" “Make me-”

“Feel better? No it’s not like that.”

“Huh.”

“Seriously. I like Bush Beans. You should keep using it.”

Louise hummed, still unsure of his sincerity. In this moment of reflection, she realized suddenly that she was practically half on top of Logan, his arm wrapped around her front. In a park. In broad daylight. Before she could make her getaway, he cleared his throat.

“Ahe-em, chapter one. Our story begins one fateful Thursday night…”

“Nooo,” Louise covered her face with her hands, unwilling to watch him scroll through the walls of text she sent him while tipsy. Her typical bravery compromised by lack of inhibition, Louise deleted the message chain when she first woke up the morning after her night out without reading it.

Barely recollecting what she sent him, she had texted him later something vague and stupid and definitely not “Hey, did I confess to kind of definitely being attracted to you last night?” He responded in kind, his non-answers similarly vague, at most reminding her the time and place SHE apparently scheduled for them to meet. Wheedling him for details proved fruitless, but she couldn’t say she didn’t enjoy the conversation.

“First, it takes you forever to admit that this is a date.” Louise’s grumbled “still up for debate” went ignored. “You told me about going out with Gene and Tina, bragged about how much cooler they are than me, which- rude, and flirted when I pretended to be sad.”

“Bullcrap.”

“‘You could totally be a drag queen, Shrubs,’” Logan pitched his voice higher in a terrible imitation of her. “‘Maybe a comedy queen.’”

A stark horror hit her when she realized he told the truth. She definitely flirted with him. How could she have let herself get so careless in her sleepy and a little boozy state?

“That’s an insult,” she said to cover her tracks. “I was saying you could NEVER be a pageant queen.”

He leaned in close to her ear, his voice teasing, and said “All I heard was you admitting I’m funny.”

“Get your hearing checked,” Louise said as she shoved him away from her ear, though not enough to undo his hold on her.

“Then you sent me a, what has to be, 1,200 word persuasive essay on why you hate the real or cake challenges. And, Louise, I’m not gonna lie to you, you could probably get academic credit if you published this. Your conclusion? Pretty f*cking damning. I ,” he pointed to his chest emphatically, “started to hate realistic cakes after this.”

“Cake should be cake goddammit!” Louise thumped her hand against her leg on each syllable for emphasis. “Anything else is messing with the natural order.”

“I wholeheartedly agree and support you on this.”

Warmth bloomed in Louise’s chest. Finally, someone got it.

“Do you? Have anything like that?” At Logan’s questioning glance, she continued. “Like, something you know is kind of stupid, but you want to start fires anyway?”

Logan let out a noise Louise usually only heard from her mother, which sounded like an exasperated oi with a mix of huff.

“Please. I am the king of stupid arguments that don’t need to happen. Ask my opinion on anything. Literally anything.”

“Babies on leashes?”

“The ropes are too long. We should just tape them to the parent’s arm.”

Louise snort-laughed.

“Okay, that was easy pickings. What about… Dippin' Dots?”

“It’s not the ice cream of the future if they’re serving it now.” At that, he reached to take her spoon, but she forfeited the rest of the dessert to him. It tasted bitter, knowing someone else enjoyed her original one.

“Water is wet,” she ventured.

“Oh, that is not the can of worms you want to open if you’re enjoying this Saturday.”

With a psh, Louise let her head fall to rest on the back of the park bench. Logan reclaimed his arm to make it easier for her to lean back. A few of the surrounding trees managed to keep the blaring sun off her face, but she still saw the endless blue of sky above her, broken up only by a few stray clouds.

Odd , Louise thought to herself as her eyes drifted close. She usually sucked at taking naps, her mind constantly racing with opportunities to grab at, but at this moment dozing off seemed within her reach.

“What’s your favorite superpower?”

“Are you a child,” she asked, not opening her eyes.

“Come on, how else are we going to get to know each other better?”

“Fine,” Louise said, still laying against the bench. A breeze blew past her face, and she smiled at the gentleness. “Pyrokinesis, obviously, but only if I could manipulate the flames to fly too.”

“Had that ready to go, did ya?”

“I was a youth once,” she said in a faux elderly woman’s voice. “You?”

“Reality warping.”

“Too OP. Pick something else.”

“You’re challenging the power balance of a hypothetical situation?” Cracking an eye open, she saw Logan staring right back at her, admiration clear on his face. He coughed and jerked his head away, clearly not expecting her to catch him. She smirked and poked at his blushing cheek.

“If your fantasies aren’t realistic, then what’s the point?” He looked like he might argue, so she asked again. “I know you can do better. What’s your superpower?”

“Hmm.” He grabbed her hand to stop her poking assault. “How about… reading minds?”

“Why that one?”

“If I could read minds,” Logan said while he amused himself with her hand, making shapes and shadow puppets against the bench, “then I could find out how to impress my boss easier. I could get a raise, make enough to move into a one bedroom apartment or something.”

Louise whistled. “Dreaming big, are we?”

Logan pinched at the fleshy base of her thumb.

“Don’t be mean.”

“That’s a tall order, but I’ll see what I can do.”

Louise repositioned her hand in Logan’s, challenging him to a thumb war. Though his longer thumb almost got the jump on her, she tickled his side and distracted him enough for the win.

After a few more rounds, Louise asked “What do you do for work anyway?”

“I honestly don’t even know. I’m an intern at an investment firm, but really all I do is show geezers how to rotate a pdf.”

“And that… pays?”

“Barely. I don’t even have my own desk. I share it with Penelope, and she’s so… Penelope-y,” He let go of her hand, and she squashed her disappointment at the loss. “I’m kinda jealous of you actually.”

“Don’t be,” Louise scoffed. “Sure I got my own desk, but that desk is actually a booth with a mustard stain that looks like Abraham Lincoln.”

“But you have the freedom to move around, set your hours, talk back to the boss.”

Stretching out sideways on the bench, Louise put her legs up on Logan’s lap. She thought about her life back at the restaurant, the only one she knew.

“It comes at the cost of security. There’s always the chance people stop eating burgers. We don’t make a ton as it is. It can be a lot to shoulder. Sometimes… sometimes I think about taking Fischoeder up on his offers.”

“Gross.”

“No, it’s not- no. He keeps trying to get me to run one of his businesses.” Louise shrugged. “Thinks I have a knack for management.”

“That sounds awesome,” Logan said while he untied and retied her shoelaces. “I’d take that deal in a heartbeat. Plus you get to skip the mountains of student loan debt I’m buried under.”

“Your parents didn’t pay for your school? I thought that’s what higher middle class people did?”

“Sometimes. After I switched my major the second time, they stopped helping.” He sighed. “It’s whatever. Just another reason to wish I had your life.”

“Trust me. You do not want this.” She turned her head sideways to observe the joggers and picnic-havers, all blissfully unaware of her familiar panic starting to rise as she thought about the future. “If I took that offer with Fischoeder, am I betraying my family? What if I’m already doing what I love? What if I’m missing the opportunity of a lifetime? What if I make a mistake I regret forever?”

“Hey hey, calm down.” Logan dropped her shoelaces to put a hand on her shin.

“WHEN has telling a woman to calm down ever worked for you?”

“Never, sorry, I meant breathe for a second.” He patted her leg again in a rendition of… Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? The feel of his hand helped ground her back to the present as he continued. “I heard some advice one time that helped me.”

He gazed up at the sky like he might pull the memory from it. She found comfort in his efforts, but this series of thoughts plagued her longer than a five minute conversation was capable of fixing. Sometimes, she felt too old while knowing she wasn’t. Coupled with the dread that she might possibly waste her life on on the wrong career choice, the nightmare fattened into an overwhelming fog holding her down.

“We’re in our twenties,” he said finally. “At this stage, there’s not really a wrong way to go in your career. We’re all obsessed about this ‘youngest person to’ bullsh*t, but that’s all it is. Bullsh*t. You can bounce back from mistakes, and you have plenty of people on your side to support you. Louise, how many crowds of people aided you in getting back at me specifically? You’ll be okay.”

She stewed on the advice. On the tip of her tongue to argue against the crowd of support, she wanted to ask where the people on her side were, given Tina’s schooling and Gene’s absence while out dazzling the world. Of course she knew she could call on her family anytime, but knowing she wasn’t alone and feeling alone were two separate beasts of burden.

Still, it also seemed silly to argue about loneliness while she had someone literally underneath her with his hands drawing patterns onto her ankle.

“Was it hard learning how to skateboard?”

Logan accepted the change in topic, easing into it no questions asked. “Not for me, but I know people who couldn’t get the hang of it.”

Louise peeked at his board, captivated by the simple piece of wood.

“How hard could it be?”

“Want me to show you?”

Nodding, Louise stood up and gestured for him to follow. He did, placing his board on the ground and rolling it between them. For the first few minutes, he only coached. Her eyes belonged to the board as he showed her where to play her feet, how to balance herself, and explained mongo versus goofy. She half-listened, instead thinking of a way to incorporate the word mongo into a burger of the day.

The lack of full attention was her downfall.

Though standing on it seemed easy enough, any slight movement caused the board to slip from under her or she tumbled forward. Logan caught her each time. Showing an unusual amount of restraint, he offered sympathy even while she grew frustrated.

“Why do you think you’re going to be immediately good at something you’ve never done before?” He asked her.

“Because I’m awesome!”

“No one’s denying that, but you have to listen to me if you want to stay on for more than three seconds.”

After the novelty of someone holding her hips for balance wore off, Louise groaned louder as she slipped again. Logan stood at the sidelines watching her, arms half-crossed and a hand under his chin, finger tapping his own cheek.

“Do you think-” Logan stopped to pull his board away protectively, preventing her from stomping on it. “Would it count as a success in your book if you rode with someone else?”

“... whatchu talkin bout, Willis?”

“My bu- Willis? What? Okay, anyway, Diego couldn’t ride either, so I gave him a piggyback ride.”

“That sounds like… hom*oerotic subtext.”

Logan shrugged. “Well, he was gay, so-"

“Wait, didn’t you give Tina that guy’s number?”

“Yeah.”

“You knowingly gave Tina, boy obsessed and easily bewitched Tina, a gay man’s number.”

“Guilty.”

Torn between defending her sister’s honor and laughing, Louise sighed.

“Well,” Louise said, giving in. “That’s always kind of been T’s luck anyway. Can’t blame you for being a messenger from the universe.”

“Glad we settled that,” he said, stretching. “Now, you want to feel the wind in your hair or not?”

As he crouched to let her on his back, Louise thought about the logistics. Is she too heavy? Would he hold her up? What’s the point of all this?

She wrapped her arms around his neck first, pretending to strangle him momentarily, and hoisted her legs to clamp around his middle. He stretched up and any anxiety about being dropped vanished. Logan looked about as stable as a blade of grass, but he kept a firm grip.

Once he reached his full six foot something potential, Louise gaped.

“Is this what the world is like for tall people?!” Louise clamped her legs tighter so she could stretch out her arms. “I can cause so many problems from up here!”

“Not to me though, got it? I won’t have any regrets about dropping you if you annoy me.”

“Nah,” she said, patting his head. “I need you in my favor if you’re going to be my new legs.”

“New le-?”

“Onwards, Aoishima!” Louise said, covering his mouth. “That skateboard will be conquer- you can keep licking my hand, but I’m not moving it- WHOA!”

Louise ripped her hand from his mouth and rubbed his saliva back onto his shirt.

“How did you do that?!”

“I’m talented.”

Louise rolled her eyes but felt the tips of her ears grow warm.

“You’re a flirt.”

“You love it.”

“Alright, Smooth featuring Rob Thomas, get a move on.”

They managed to skate together for a good stretch of park, scenery blurring together in a soft glaze of greens. Plenty of people passed them, though none of their stories mattered. Strangers, Louise realized, might travel home and mention two weirdos attempting something dangerous in the park, but for the most part this moment was theirs. No one else felt the wind rustle Logan’s hair against her cheek or the way his stomach tensed against her legs when he worried himself over upcoming cracks in the pavement. These moments were just for them, and she liked that.

Of course, they were still doing something dangerous and a little stupid, so the shift of Logan’s weight underneath her didn’t come as a surprise. Maybe a piece of gravel stuck under the wheel or she moved in a seemingly insignificant way that somehow threw off the equilibrium. Whatever the reason, the board rocketed out from under Logan’s feet while he grabbed onto her legs to steady them both in the shockwave.

“You okay?” Concern laced his tone.

“Yes yes, I didn’t move at all. Let’s go get your board before some punk snatches it.”

It might have been her phrasing that summoned the gods of fate. They cleared a corner in the park to retrieve the board when a figure came into view. A petite figure, with glasses and an empty bowl of ice cream discarded on the ground near him, stood next to the pond and threw rocks at ducks.

“Oh wait stopstopstop.” At her request, Logan slowed his gait to a halt. “You see that kid over there? I need to ruin his day.”

“The scrawny one?” Logan squinted into the distance. “He looks like a geek.”

“Yeah, well that geek minorly inconvenienced me, and now he must pay. Do you have something I can throw?”

“I got.. a hacky sack?”

“A hack-? Okay, you know what, no, just give it here.”

“Aw man,” Logan lamented while delivering her the rasta colored ball. “I’m gonna miss that bean bag.”

“Shoulda lied when I asked, Shrubs.”

“Mom told me not to lie to pretty ladies.”

“Oh NOW you listen to Cynthia?” Louise tugged at a strand of his hair then refocused. “Hold still.”

“I hope you’ve been practicing your throw,” he said with a lilt. “You were terrible at it last time.”

“I don’t need to practice.”

She totally practiced.

Her arm wound back. Louise adjusted to the higher ground and waited for precisely the right moment when the kid went for another goose. She let the hacky sack fly, nailing him with enough pressure to send the troublemaker soaring into the pond headfirst.

“Yes!” She leaned forward, adrenaline kicking in, and gave Logan a quick peck on the cheek. She pumped her arm into the air. “Ass-hole in one!”

“Holy sh*t,” Logan whistled. “Okay, Barbra Stronghand, remind me never to inconvenience you.”

“You already do, but you’re an exception.”

From her vantage point, she saw the thief pull himself from the pond, soaked to the bone and cursing a storm in their general direction. As they garnered more stares, Logan kicked up his board and glanced at her over his shoulder.

“Maaaybe we should bounce?”

“Maybe-” Louise said, noticing a round beat cop making their way to the kid. “Yep, okay, you have a point. Time to go!”

She slid off his back, and the two took off for the park exit, laughing the entire time even as the cop yelled after them. They only slowed four blocks away.

With the park date clearly over, Louise wondered if they might split. Daylight persisted, but she lacked any foresight to plan beyond the park. Maybe he wanted to go, given how trouble seemed to follow her wherever she went.

Logan nudged her with his elbow, interrupting her internal monologue.

“How are you at DDR?”

---

While the pair left the park to venture to the only Dance Dance Revolution machine that still worked in town, they talked about everything from government spies to S tier anime recommendations. The two earned a few raised eyebrows from anyone who happened to catch the sailor language that spewed from Louise’s mouth after Logan suggested her favorite character was overrated. When she finally caught the spark in his eye, she knew that once again he had purposefully riled her up.

“Why do you keep doing that?”

“It’s fun, and I like fun,” he said with a shrug. He pondered something wordlessly, then focused back on her. “You’re fun.”

She brushed off the compliment in favor of engaging him in another round of “trash or treasure,” also known as what they decided to call their hypothetical podcast rating tv shows. Ship-recs came in at a close second but ultimately rejected for the obvious confusion for fandom shipping.

Entering the arcade, Logan beelined for the coin exchange. Louise used the opportunity to take in the establishment she failed to visit in years. Though the walls needed a new coat of paint and the space themed carpet had seen better days, Louise appreciated how the same whirs and beeps of video games rang out in chorus with excited children.

“Ready to get your butt kicked, Smelcher?”

“Oh you’re going down, Loganberry.”

The old DDR machine, surrounded by the newer sleek games with higher resolution graphics, resembled a computer from the 70’s. Louise tapped the foot sensors cautiously, making sure they still lit up while Logan inserted the coins. They landed on the most annoying disco song possible for the first challenge.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the Boo’s started to crawl up her screen.

“I thought you were supposed to be good at this,” Logan teased. “Look at that score!”

“Yeah of course you’re winning. You’re not adding any pizzazz.”

“Pizzazz?”

“You know-“ Louise jutted her arms out to vogue to the beat. “Pizzazz.”

“Ohhh pizzazz.”

The first round went to Logan, but for the next song he matched her energy, flinging his arms out in increasingly ridiculous ways. They tried to do just well enough to not get booted off the game for too many failures, but when the trepak-like moves entered their dance regimen all bets flew off the table.

Suddenly, the screens went black and a worker stepped out from behind the tv.

“Yeahhh,” the guy in his thirties wearing neon suspenders drawled. “You’re both scaring the children, and I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

They stood their ground momentarily, then Louise shot Logan a subtle wink. She groaned out in dramatic exasperation.

“Are you kidding me? We put ten bucks worth of quarters into this thing, and you just wiped all of our credit!” Louise threw her hand in the direction of the screen, adding emphasis to the ten dollars.

“Yeah,” Logan agreed. “Are people not supposed to be having fun here? What a ripoff.”

“Look, I’ll refund you the money, but you can’t keep doing…” he gestured to the both of them, “whatever that was.”

“Fine,” Louise said with a sniff and crossed her arms. “Cash, two fivers.”

“And we want free sodas for emotional distress.” Logan tacked on.

“Ooo actually,” Louise waggled her finger. “Make those energy drinks.”

“Those are like four bucks each!”

“I do know how to use Yelp,” Louise spied his nametag. “Chester.”

“Fine fine,” Chester relented. “Take em and go.”

The two walked out, energy drinks in hand, trying not to blow their cover. Once they were far enough away from the entrance, Louise handed Logan half of the money.

“Your cut, sir.”

“Pleasure doing business with you.”

“You’re a terrible dancer by the way," she teased.

“You’re not any better.”

“At least I know how to use my hips. From what I can tell, this whole situation,” Louise gestured at his groin, “does not bode well for future activities.”

He smirked at her.

“How soon you forget,” he winked, sticking out his tongue for a half second. “I’m talented.”

Laughing to cover her slight embarrassment, Louise tugged his shirt to keep walking. They strolled aimlessly until she elbowed Logan, who dodged too late and oofed at the contact.

“Hey, why do we keep getting kicked out of places?” Louise asked in a lighthearted tone. “Is that like our new thing?”

“We didn’t technically get kicked out of the park.” Logan responded.

“But we did also get kicked out of that restaurant a while back.”

“True true. Well, I think I know the answer,” Logan said. “It’s because you’re a menace to society.”

“Ahem.”

“Oh right, we’re menaces to society.”

He put his arm on her shoulder and leaned. Leaning back into him kept her from buckling under his extra weight, but she struggled not to drop to the ground while he laughed at her efforts.

They fell quiet once each regained their footing. Now seemed like a reasonable close to their day, even as Louise felt a stone grow in her belly at the thought of heading home alone. Logan opened his mouth, but Louise beat him to the punch.

“Want to see something nuts?”

---

Louise pointed upwards to a section of the boardwalk where the planks all appeared to be at different levels of age.

“See where all the wood is kind of another color?”

“Yeah.”

Louise followed the line from where the carousel crashed into the water all those years ago to one particular collection of posts.

“My entire family almost died right here.”

Logan spit out his Zap.

“You-,” he coughed. “You f*cking what?”

“Yeah my dad was tied up with Mr. Fischoeder so that they’d drown when the water rose. We came to save him, a gold digger threatened to shoot us, then a carousel crashed through and almost flattened everybody.”

After he recovered from his coughing fit, Logan let out a long whistle.

“That’s pretty heavy. Are you okay to be down here?” He gestured to the space underneath the pier.

“I think so,” Louise said as she tore herself away from the memory. “You wanna sit on those rocks and watch the tide come in?”

“Only until the water’s ankle deep. You might have PTSD we didn’t know about.”

While she ventured higher on the rubble there to keep the shoreline from eroding, testing if her weight would hold before jumping to the next surface, her companion chose to stick closer to the ground where his feet still touched the sandy floor. Settled on the rocks and concrete blocks, Louise let out a sigh of contentment at being the only ones watching the sea down here. She remembered a line from Howl’s Moving Castle, something about old age and scenery, and felt the peace Sophie must have meant.

The ocean was unchanging, and, until the billionaires of the world managed to f*ck even that up, she enjoyed the constant in her life to the fullest extent.

“How many more stories do you have like that?” Logan asked suddenly, and Louise had to remind herself of the previous conversation.

“Tons. Although I think that was the only one that involves a gun- oh, wait, Mickey had one during the bank robbery.”

Logan laughed. “Tell me more.”

“You sure?” Louise asked, wiping away gravel that stuck to her thighs. Maybe shorts were the wrong call. “It could take some time.”

“Yeah, it’s worth it. I like listening to your stories.”

Louise bit her lip to keep from smiling, though she allowed a smirk.

“So this one time, Mom signed her and Dad up for seaplane lessons…”

Enthralled in her tale, Logan missed the rising water and the lone crab that poked out of the concrete pile to greet it. Louise watched it out of the corner of her eye and cackled when it skirted across Logan’s foot, causing him to jerk back in surprise.

“Oh no,” he said standing. “I’ve been on the wrong side of a crab before. Almost lost a finger. I’m not playing that game again.”

Snorting, Louise shuffled on her makeshift seat and patted the area next to her. “Come up higher then.”

“You're like three feet away from rebar.”

“I’ve had my tetanus shot. I think.” Louise laughed at the bewildered expression on Logan’s face.

“You think ?!”

“Alright, chicken.” Louise said, shrugging. “Stay down there with the scary crab then.”

Glancing between her and the crab, Logan decided to take his chances next to her. He scrambled up, not quite as gracefully, and pressed against her side. Though she expected to find his lanky frame a pile of skin and bones, the more she focused on him the more she felt his comforting softness. With the pier blocking out the sun, Louise realized how much she missed the heat as she curled into Logan, soaking up his warmth. He made no mention of it and adjusted for a better grip on their seat.

They watched the tide roll in, rhythmic and a force all its own. A powerful calm settled over her as the waves skimmed closer, thinned just beyond their reach, then receded again and again. She breathed in time with them, working up her courage for her next question.

“Is this a thing?”

Logan focused on the waves as he responded. “Do you want it to be?”

“I… do. I think. It’s just-” She regrettably pulled away from his side to face him. The weather itself seemed to punish her for it, a gust of wind sending goosebumps up her exposed legs. “I mean, I’ll admit that we have pretty good chemistry, but what if it’s just as friends? What if we’re missing like… the romantic part? Or the sex part?”

“You don’t think we have physical chemistry?”

“Maybe,” she pulled at a strand of her hair then tucked it behind her ear, “but I’m not sure.”

“Funny,” his arm nudged her, so she was again acutely aware of their closeness. He leaned in, confident, and whispered in a low voice. “I know we do.”

“Oh yeah?” Louise chewed the inside of her cheek, then steeled herself and issued a challenge. “Prove it.”

Slowly, he took her chin between his index and thumb and angled her face towards him. His palm glided against her cheek then rested at the crook of her neck. His other hand found her hip, keeping her steady even as her nerves lit on fire.

Louise didn’t bet often, she preferred running the tables more than playing them, but she would have bet a hundred to one that Logan was an impatient kisser. And she would have lost. Every move was calculated, judging her interest and heightening the sensations with each second she waited for him to move in.

How funny , she thought as he inched towards her. Their first kiss wouldn’t be on the pier but underneath it.

That heat in the pit of her belly ignited when his lips met hers. Oddly soft but assured, he tilted against her and they fit together like honey pouring into tea. Her fears of being out of practice evaporated as he took the lead, setting the pace and guiding her. She lost herself in the feeling of his body against hers and, aching to close the distance, pulled him closer. Her grip remained, and she swore she felt his heartbeat pick up under her fingers.

The hand squeezing at her hip slipped down to her thigh, nails scratching through the material of her shorts ever so slightly.

She whimpered, and she felt more than saw his smirk against her mouth.

“What was that?”

“Less talking, more of- oh, yeah more of thaa-"

His hand resumed gripping at her thigh, while his lips trailed downward. At first his lazy open-mouthed kisses along her neck seemed random, but Louise recognized purpose in each nip of his teeth and swipe of his tongue that sent jolts of excitement through her.

The slow pace began to drive her insane, so Louise took matters into her own hands. She broke away to swing her leg over him, climbing onto his lap. She assumed charge, connecting their lips again at a feverish pace. Even as the tempo sped up, they rocked into each other in sync, Louise’s hips grinding down into Logan’s lap in time with his twitches. Louise could feel his dick harden beneath her.

Feeling particularly emboldened, Louise threaded her hands through Logan’s hair and tugged, scratching the base of his scalp as she did.

The guttural moan that broke from him surprised them both, and they parted from each other gasping for air.

Logan broke the tension first.

“See, plenty of… chemistry.”

“You. Might have a point.” Louise struggled to get the words out.

A wave splashed, the spray managing to get a few droplets on her. The two looked out to the water, which had risen to about ankle deep.

“We should get going if we don’t want to swim out of here.”

With some reluctance, they separated and made their way back to higher ground.

---

The hum of streetlights coming on filled the comfortable silence as the two collected their thoughts, walking the sidewalk to nowhere in particular. They turned at random intervals, no more than a slight nudge indicating the direction the other wished to travel.

Louise breathed in the nightlife, the ever present wafts of fried bread mixing with the comforting smell of cool concrete under moonlight. Open signs for bars flickered on all around her, and she spied Logan underneath the neon glow. His blond hair tinged with the light blues and greens they passed in a picturesque way. If she was that type of person, she would think to snap a sneaky photo to show her friends “this is why.” But she wasn’t the type.

As if sensing her thoughts, Logan turned to her, half-smiling, then tugged her beanie over her eyes. Without pulling the beanie up, she flicked him in the arm.

“I like your beanie,” were the first words he spoke after abandoning the beach. She peeked up at him as she readjusted her hat, one eye still covered. “Would you summon a gang of bikers if I took this hat?”

“You understand I’d have to defend my honor in front of these people, right? Although I’ve progressed past hired help.” Louise patted her bicep. “I’m the only gang of bikers I need.”

He leaned down, lips ghosting the shell of her ear that the beanie shuffling exposed.

“And if we were alone?” He asked, voice low.

Finally fixing her hat, she bumped him with her shoulder. “I could be persuaded to share.”

Logan returned the bump but instead his hand hit against the back of hers. Nothing to knock her off balance. Just a tap. And, if she read him correctly, a question. She took the jump, threading her fingers through his. She could be a hand holder for a night.

“So. You want this to be a thing?” She asked first and kicked at a leaf.

“Yeah,” he said as he lightly squeezed her hand. “You’re absolutely sure you want this to be a thing?”

“Yeah.”

“So this is a thing.”

“It’s a thing.”

“Cool.”

“Want to go check out that haunted gas station?”

“Definitely.”

---

Louise had already answered several texts from her family, wondering how the date went, if she was kidnapped, and she better not be having too much fun. She told them she would be back around midnight and not to wait up.

A slight underestimate.

It was 6am, and the sun began its ascent just beyond the edge of her vision. She slid into the booth of some dingy 24-hour diner, the table sticky even though it appeared no one had sat there in several hours. Logan slid in next to her on the same side of the booth and nudged her slightly to scoot over. She refused, so he wrapped his arm around her and moved her himself. She protested weakly but also didn’t stop him when the arm stayed.

Louise ordered something hot for her throat, which she noticed felt sore. With a quick check in, her eyes were heavy from lack of sleep, her abdomen tense, and her cheeks throbbed dully. At first she thought the development odd, until Logan made her laugh again and all her aches twinged at once.

Tucked into his arm and listening to the scratchy sounds of Ben E. King struggling to break free on a worn out jukebox in the corner, Louise realized how far away loneliness felt.

And she was happy.

Chapter 6: Bonus Content

Chapter Text

Hey there, everyone!

I bet you weren’t expecting this story to get an update, eh? Before I show off the bonus content I got for y’all, I wanted to let you know that some friends and I are hosting a (drumroll please)... Louigan Week!

And we wanted y’all to be a part of it! We’ve grabbed a few prompts, some sweet some spicy, and put them in a google form here. No worries, your email isn't shared with us. Please feel free to go vote! You’re basically deciding how I spend the month of August lol, but no pressure!

We would love to have anyone contribute fics, art, headcanons, gifs, meta/analysis, really whatever! It’s being hosted on tumblr @louiganweek. More info will come closer to the date, but right now we’ve got the dates and the prompts. If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to leave them in the ask/message box for @louiganweek, @louigancollective, or hell I could take questions too @babsvibes.

Now, on to the bonus content!

Deleted scene

“At least I know how to use my hips. From what I can tell, this whole situation,” Louise gestured at his groin, “does not bode well for future activities.”

He smirked at her.

“How soon you forget,” Logan winked then stuck out his tongue for a half second. “I’m talented.”

Laughing to cover her slight embarrassment, Louise tugged his shirt to keep walking. They strolled aimlessly until a familiar voice called out.

“Hey Louise,” a scratchy voice called out. One of the Pesto twins waved, and she waved back. Logan grumbled next to her about small towns.

She squinted at their new arrival. Without his brother around, Louise fought with her instincts on whether this was Ollie or Andy. Andy kept his hair longer, but she also hadn’t seen either of them in a month.

“Hey dude.” she said. “Where’s your brother?”

“He’s doing this while I’m doing that. Later we’ll switch.”

“Very cool.”

“It is!” The boy said, ignoring her sarcasm. “So what are you doing?”

She elbowed Logan, who dodged too late and oofed at the contact.

“Getting kicked out of places mostly.” Louise said in a lighthearted tone. “Hey is that like our new thing?”

“We didn’t really get kicked out of the park.” Logan responded.

“But we did also get kicked out of that restaurant.”

“Oh true true.”

The Pesto twin scratched his head. “Why do you keep getting kicked out of places?”

“I can answer that,” Logan said. “It’s because she’s a menace to society.”

“Ahem.”

“Oh right, we’re menaces to society.”

“Thank you.”

“I don’t think you’re a menace to society, Louise.” The twin said sympathetically.

“Thanks bro.” She shot the twin a thumbs up while Logan snorted.

“You clearly don’t know her that well.”

He put his arm on her shoulder and leaned. Leaning back into him kept her from buckling under his extra weight, but she struggled not to drop to the ground while he laughed at her efforts.

“It kinda seems like you both have your own thing going on so I’m taking off. Later Louise.”

Pesto moved on into the arcade, gone as quickly as he arrived.

“He seemed into you.” Logan said.

“You’re insane.”

“Am I? Why didn’t he say bye to me?”

“He doesn’t know you.” Louise said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “And it doesn’t help that you’re giving him that look.”

“What look?”

“Like he was beneath you.”

“I mean...”

“Unbelievable. Besides, I’m 92% sure that was Ollie and he’s asexual.”

“Word?” Logan said, finally righting himself.

“Yeah it’s one of the few things that sets the twins apart. That and jazz music.”

The two snickered at the thought of the twins arguing over Miles Davis then fell quiet. Now seemed like a reasonable end to their day, even as Louise felt a stone grow in her belly at the thought of heading home alone. Logan opened his mouth, but Louise beat him to the punch.

“Want to see something nuts?”

This scene didn't end up making the cut because it felt a little too rushed. Even though I looove me some jealousy, I didn't have the patience to add like two more scenes to make Ollie showing up believable and earned. Oh well! Maybe next time.

Fanart

The art was done by Airustride and commissioned by Taatintoo! I won’t lie, I cried a little. A lot. It was embarrassing.

Thank y’all for following this story and being so amazing! You louigan lovelies are the best!